


Brotherhood

by DianneRose2016



Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 38,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27455212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DianneRose2016/pseuds/DianneRose2016
Summary: After being on emergency leave for 3 months, Clay is finally getting to be on a team. Clay is placed in Bravo, but those 3 months have not been easy on him. With medical bills piling up, Clay has to work 2 jobs. Plus deal with Ash being emotionally abusive. Clay comes to find that family is more than blood as his brothers are there for him through all of the darkness.
Comments: 18
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok I am challenging myself here. I wanted to test out different chapter lengths and to see if I can keep up with the once a week posting. This chapter is around 10,000 words so I will see if people prefer chapter lengths this long or if they prefer the shorter chapters at 5,000 words where they might get an update twice a week instead of once. So this is going to be my second test story, the first being Betrayal Leads to Devastation.
> 
> The reason I am uploading new stories to test chapter length out is because these stories won't have a long overall word count. The current stories I have going on will be over 200,000 words easily. These stories can be wrapped up quicker as they are not going into a very long and complex plot line. So review and let me know if you prefer this length, longer or shorter.

Bravo made their way into the War Room to get their new mission. They had been waiting for the past couple of weeks to get geared up. Things with the team had been a little off ever since Nate had died six months ago. They were a six man team, operating with only five. It wasn't unusual for a team to be down a member here and there, but Jason didn't like operating with a man down. When you had one less man out there, it was one less set of eyes, one less mind to bounce ideas off of, one less gun. But filling Nate's spot was not something Jason, or any of them, took lightly. It had to be the right person, the right personality. Jason knew though that the Upper Brass were getting ansty with them not taking anyone else on, especially when they passed up the new round of recruits. He would have to make a decision soon before Eric took any more heat for it.

The second they walked in and it was only Eric, Jason knew something was going down.

"Alright, what's going on?" Jason asked the second the door was closed behind him.

"You're getting a new teammate." Eric started.

"Oh, since when?" Sonny asked, not impressed at what he assumed was a call by the Upper Brass.

"Since twenty minutes ago. He'll be here in a few minutes along with everyone else for the Op we have. Upper Brass placed him." Eric said, but Sonny cut him off.

"Of course they did. Great, we get to babysit some stuck up entitled connected Seal."

"It might not be that bad. Your new member is Clay Spenser."

"Spenser? He didn't pass SERE training." Ray said surprised.

"He tapped out, pussy." Sonny said.

"He didn't tap out, he was pulled out." Jason said, but that was all he knew about it.

"Captain Harrington had to pull him out three hours before time was up due to a serious family matter. Over the past three months he's been off active duty and working within the Linguistics unit. He's been working from home on a secured laptop doing translations from email, documents, and recordings. He'd like to be back to active status and after the instructors backed Harrington up on Spenser's skills and that he would have graduated top of the class had he not been taken out, the Upper Brass has granted him his Tier One status. He is being placed within your unit for two reasons, one you need someone and two he's been on an op already with you."

"He good to go?" Jason asked.

"As far as I know yes. I don't know what pulled him, it's kept him home bound for the past three months. He's cleared physically and mentally."

"Alright, we'll keep a close eye on him and start training him. He's gonna be a lot of work." Jason said.

"He's not gonna be that much. He's got a lot of great skills. He's only twenty-four, youngest Seal to make Tier One status in decades. He just needs brothers to be there for him." Ray said.

"There is one snitch." Eric said.

"What?" Trent asked.

"Because Spenser knows the five languages we deal with the most, the Upper Brass doesn't want to give him up from the Linguistics unit."

"Of course not. He can do the work of five translators, he's an accountant's wet dream." Ray said.

"But they gave him up, so what's the issue?" Sonny asked.

"They were going to give him up, but Spenser wanted to keep doing the work. He's been cleared to work full-time in both units." Eric answered.

"Wait what?" Jason asked.

"He can't work full time in two units. That's not even possible." Ray said.

"He'll continue to work from home, he'll also work on down time, on the plane, anytime he can. The Upper Brass has approved it." Eric explained.

"Why would he want to work two full time jobs?" Trent asked.

"Maybe he likes the work." Brock answered.

"Then he should do just that. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be standing next to some guy who doesn't live and breathe this job." Sonny said.

"He seemed pretty dedicated and solid to the team Son." Ray said.

"Then why work as a pencil pusher too?" Sonny argued.

"I don't know, maybe he needs the extra money. We don't know what the family emergency was, but it was serious enough that Harrington pulled him out of SERE training with only a few hours left. So whatever it was, it couldn't wait even three hours and it took him out for three months. He doesn't make much at his level, enough to live off of, but if something happened, he wouldn't have a honeypot. He might not be able to afford to work only one job." Ray said.

"We all have problems outside of the job, but what we do on the job is everything. Him working an extra job will only make him tired and open him and us to mistakes in the field." Jason said.

"We're all tired from time to time. Jase, we know better than anyone what it's like to not make enough. I mean how many times have we both worked overtime to cover the household? I'm just saying we should give the kid a chance before jumping to conclusions on whether or not he can do this job." Ray said. He didn't want to judge Spenser about having to work, he was still struggling with his own bills and he made more than the kid.

"It's a done deal anyways. He'll be here in a couple of minutes. I know not all of you like Clay, but I'm asking you to give him a chance, for me. Ash, Adam and me were thick as thieves when we were all in the unit. Up until we found out Clay was in Green Team, we had no idea he even existed. Clay's basically my nephew, he's family." Blackburn said.

"Ash never told you he was having a kid?" Sonny asked.

"Adam had a younger sister, who was not planned. He was twenty when she was born. His parents died in a car crash when she was just three, Adam basically raised her. When she was sixteen she got involved with the wrong crowd at school and started to use drugs. Adam did what he could for her to get her sober. Ash and me were there for him to help wherever we could. What we didn't expect was for Ash to be sleeping with her. She was eighteen when she got pregnant and that is when Ash told us the news. Needless to say it ruined everything between Ash and us. Adam tried to reach out to his sister, but she never was found. Ash had led us to believe that she had an abortion. Four years later her body was found dead from a drug overdose and there was no indication that a kid even lived there. We had assumed she went through with the abortion." Blackburn explained.

"Holy shit." Sonny said, shocked and disgusted that Ash would do something like that.

"Where did the kid end up?" Ray asked.

"We don't know. We assumed he was with Ash or his parents. After he was pulled from SERE Adam reached out to him and did inform him of being his biological uncle. I don't know anything more though. Clay hasn't been around in the past three months and Adam has been working, but also spending time with Clay. I asked what was going on, but Adam is tight lipped about it. I haven't even seen the kid since he was pulled. Look, all I am asking is that you give him a fair chance, like you would anyone else."

"We'll give him a fair shake." Jason promised.

He didn't like that Clay was working two jobs, but he couldn't ignore that Clay was family to Adam and Blackburn. That made him family to them.

"Still don't like that he'll be working two full time jobs. He ain't gonna be able to focus on this one with having to do work on the other. I don't need someone watching my back that can't even pick a single career." Sonny said, not impressed at all.

"He might not have a choice. We don't know what his financial situation is. He had some type of family emergency, it probably tapped him out. We know he wants to be a Tier One operator, he didn't go through Green Team for nothing. It's probably just a temporary thing needing both jobs." Ray said in Clay's defense. He had vouched for the kid before he had to leave, and he still stood by his decision on having Clay in this team.

"Either way, there's nothing we can do now. We'll keep an eye on him and if his work is suffering then I'll deal with it." Jason said.

The door to the room opened and Clay walked in with the rest of the group for their briefing. Clay could tell the others were unsure about him, but he just gave a nod and went over and sat down in one of the free chairs. The others took his appearance in and saw that he looked tired, it wasn't a good start.

"Hey Spenser, welcome to the team brother." Ray said with a warm smile.

"Thanks." Clay said with a small smile.

"Alright, we are heading to Yonkale, Liberia. As you all know the country has been at war for centuries. The country has been at war with rebels destroying everything in their path and recruiting everyone they can for their cause. That includes children for child soldiers. Aid camps have been getting attacked and their supplies stolen and the workers killed. There is a large shipment being brought in that the Government is looking to have protected. You are to go with the shipment of aid supplies and go around to the different camps and deliver them. I know it sounds simple enough, but these supplies are for food, water, vaccines, medicine, things that the innocent people need to survive and without the supplies millions will die." Blackburn started.

"So we're just on protection detail?" Sonny asked.

"Yes and no. The CIA is hoping you will be able to gather more information on Hasim Kabul, the current War Lord of the Rebels. Not much is known about him. Any information you can gather from the locals will help us to get a lock on Hasim and eventually take him out. With him gone we might be able to stop the Rebels from growing even more." Mandy said.

"Do they even speak English over there?" Sonny asked.

"For the most part, but the smaller villages will speak Mende." Clay answered.

"Is that one of the fancy languages that you speak?" Sonny asked.

"No." Ray said, just as Clay said yes.

Ray looked at Clay confused. "You speak Arabic, Pashtu, Spanish, French, Mandarian and English. You also speak Mende?" Ray asked, surprised.

"I speak a total of ten languages. Only six of them are relevant to the navy." Clay said with a shrug.

"Wow." Brock simply said.

"We are hoping the locals will be able to give us something. We have some American money that you can use to try and barter with." Mandy said.

"That's not going to work over there." Clay instantly said.

"Why? They don't like money over there?" Sonny asked with a skeptical look.

"Can't like something that you have no use for. There's no shops over in those smaller villages that they can go to. They get everything from the aid camps. You want them to talk and corporate, you need to offer them something that will help their family, keep their kids alive. Money is just another reason for the rebels to rob them."

"What works?" Blackburn asked.

"Water and rice, but if you really want to win them over chocolate and soccer balls. If the kids are happy, the parents are happy and they will cooperate with anyone that makes their kids happy."

"Soccer balls?" Trent asked, surprised.

"Nothing but dirt over there. Kids will all get together, a whole village full and play with the one semi-flat ball that they have. They'll do it all day."

"We got a couple of hours before we need to be wheels up, we'll pack some things that you can take with you to trade for information." Blackburn said.

"Have they checked the tunnels?" Clay asked Mandy.

"Tunnels? What tunnels?" Mandy asked.

"There's tunnels that go from Sierra Leone to Liberia. They go underneath the river so slaves, drugs and guns could travel without detection from one side to the next. They were created a century ago and fortified to last for centuries. Families would try and use the tunnels to escape from one side to the other in hope for a better chance. The only problem is the Rebels grew in numbers and now overrun most of both sides. They still use the tunnels to travel unnoticed all over Liberia and Sierra Leone." Clay explained.

"So Kabul could be hiding under the ground and no one would know it." Ray said.

"How do you know about the tunnels?" Jason asked.

"I grew up in Liberia." Clay simply stated.

"Wait what?" Sonny asked, confused. Ash lived in Virginia Beach, would have for all of Clay's life, so how did he end up in Liberia?

"For how long?" Davis asked, shocked as well.

"I was four and left when I turned eighteen."

"You have all your shots right?" Trent asked, concerned now.

"For the most part." Clay answered with a shrug.

"For the most part? What the hell does that mean?" Sonny asked, and the guys could hear the slight panicked tone to his voice.

"What don't you have?" Trent asked. The medic in him was more concerned about what Clay could get.

"Never got the BCG vaccine, and no point in getting it when I enlisted. Or the Chickenpox vaccine."

"BCG, that's the TB vaccine. Wouldn't you have been at a high risk of TB in Liberia?" Ray asked.

"Ya, that's why I didn't get the vaccine Stateside. I already had TB when I was eight, twelve and seventeen." Clay said completely calm, like it was no big deal.

Everyone now had their attention on him. That was not what they wanted to hear.

"You got the cure every time right?" Jason asked.

"Ya for the most part. The cure worked to put it in a dormant state when I was seventeen."

"Dormant? As in, sleeping and not cured?" Sonny asked, as he moved his chair further away from Clay.

"Yes, it's dormant inside of me, but I'm not contagious. Even if it became active for some reason I still wouldn't be contagious." Clay said.

"He's right, he is the only one at risk of it turning into active TB. It's been dormant this whole time so you probably won't get it again. You didn't get the chickenpox vaccine, have you had them yet?" Trent asked.

"Not yet no." Clay answered.

"Oh my god, he's a walking disease just waiting to happen." Sonny said reaching over and using the hand sanitizer.

"Can't he just get the chickenpox vaccine?" Jason asked Trent.

"No, it'll cause him to get chickenpox from it. As an adult it would most likely become shingles. The good news is, we don't go into areas where chickenpox will be an issue. But he will need to avoid kids that get it or adults that have kids with it. If Ray's kids get chickenpox, Clay can't be around Ray because the virus could be in Ray and it won't affect him, but it could make Clay infected."

"We can worry about that if it happens. For now, we'll look into the tunnels and see if we can see anyone coming or going from them." Blackburn said.

"Davis and I will work on locating the tunnels and see if we can discover any intel on them being used." Mandy said.

"The shipment is set to arrive within the next eighteen hours. So wheels up in two hours." Blackburn ordered.

"Come on, I'll show you where you can put your stuff." Ray said to Clay.

Clay gave a nod as Sonny spoke. "I'm not sitting beside him."

"He's not contagious Sonny." Trent said with a sigh.

They all headed out and Ray took Clay over to their cage room to get him set up. Jason was about to follow when he heard his name being called. He looked down and saw Derek was making his way towards him.

"What's going on Derek?"

"I just heard you got Clay."

"He got placed with us, why?"

"I live across from him. I know you guys normally do this thing where the new guy has to buy cases of beer at every first. I'm asking as a friend that you don't do that with him."

"I know he drinks and I know he's now working two full time jobs so he has double the salary. But he's got no kids or wife to support. Which has me wondering if he has some gambling addiction or something I should know about for where all of his money is going." Jason said, not liking this conversation at all.

"It's nothing like that. He works his ass off and he's not spending it on anything like booze or gambling. Honestly, he can barely afford to eat. It's why I'm asking you to not do the case of beer thing. He's not going to be able to afford it and it's only going to cause him more stress. Give the kid a break, as a favor to me."

"Fine, but as a favor in return, you need to tell me what the hell is going on with him. You live across from him so you must know what took him out for three months."

"I do know, but it's not my story to tell. I can tell you that it was out of his control and despite what happened he is doing the right thing. He stepped up when he didn't have to and at his age he could have easily said no. He's got a lot on his plate and he is doing his best to build a life. He'll tell you when he's ready. But Jase, he doesn't trust easily. He'll trust you in the field, but not with himself outside of the field. He's got strong fortified walls all around him, it's going to take time for you to get through em."

"And that is something we will work on, assuming he makes it long enough. I don't like him working two jobs. I don't like how tired he already looks and it's first thing in the morning. And that's on top of the fact that I don't like how cocky he is."

"His cockiness is just his armour. Ya he's got a bit of an ego, but it's well deserved considering everything he's accomplished. He's got skill, a lot of it. He will be an asset to your team. We were going to take him, but we were told Bravo was down a man. He's smart as shit and he's good at what he does. Just give him a chance Jase, that's all I'm asking."

Jason could see that Derek was serious and he was asking for this favor. Jason just gave a nod. He would give Clay a chance, but he was still reserving judgment until he sees that Clay can handle his own, listen to instructions and not cause problems. He didn't mind little quirks, but he wasn't going to deal with any major problems that could not be fixed.

"I'll give him a fair shake." Jason promised.

"Thanks Jase, I owe you one."

"Seems to me like the kid owes you one." Jason said before he turned and headed to the cages.

He walked in and saw everyone was there, but Clay.

"Where's the kid?" He asked.

"He had to make a call. He's going to meet us on the tarmac." Ray answered.

"How many cases of beer do you think we'll get out of him?" Sonny asked with a big smile.

"At least fifteen." Trent said.

"Zero. We're not doing that with him." Jason said.

"What? But that's the best part of having a rookie." Sonny said, not happy about this.

"Son, the kid is working two full time jobs. What makes you think he's got extra money to spend on beer?" Ray asked.

"Because he's making twice the amount he should be." Sonny pointed out.

"He's not working two jobs just for the hell of it. He's obviously got something going on. So we're not going to add to his problems by making him pay five hundred in beer." Ray said, not impressed with Sonny at the moment.

"Look, for now we do what we always do and see how he handles things. He's been out of the game for a few months so let's see what he can do. If he's not cutting it, then he's off the team." Jason said.

He wasn't impressed that Clay was back working on missions while he was still working for another department. He could understand someone having to need an extra job for money issues, but he wasn't sympathetic to someone working two full-time jobs in the military. If Clay needed more money he should just be working the one job and cutting down costs in his life. He was clearly using the money for something and Jason was going to keep an eye on him to make sure he didn't have some sort of illegal problem. Derek said it wasn't like that, but Jason was having a hard time believing it. He also wasn't sure if he would have picked Clay for the team. Ray wanted him and it seemed like the others were interested in having him around, but Jason wasn't sure he had the right personality for the team. He really didn't appreciate the Upper Brass sticking him with them, especially when Alpha would have been happy to have him. There wasn't anything he could do about it now though, so he focused on the mission like he always does.

Once they were all set they headed out and got onto the plane. Clay was already there getting his hammock set up. They all went about getting ready and once take off was completed, Clay grabbed his bag and started to get to work on the laptop for the linguistics unit.

"How long do you think that will last?" Sonny asked Trent and Brock, the only two left around him.

"Don't know. He looks tired, stressed, whatever family emergency pulled him out still seems to be affecting him." Trent answered.

"Wonder what it was." Brock added.

"Had to be bad though right? I mean to get pulled out, against your wishes just three hours left. What the hell couldn't wait three hours? His old man is still alive so it's not like there was a death in the family." Sonny said.

"Maybe it was his grandparents." Brock suggested.

"Maybe. It doesn't matter when he's ready he'll talk about it. For now just focus on the job." Trent said, before he headed off to get his spot ready.

They had no idea what was going on with Clay but what they did know was that they had a mission to go on. Clay was either going to prove he should be here or he was going to prove he was washed up.

XXX

Arriving back on the plane and you could tell everyone was feeling something. Clay headed straight over to his corner and got his stuff off before he would need to get back to work on translating. Jason and the others stood closer to the opening of the plane as Sonny spoke.

"What the fuck was that?"

"Maybe he's rusty." Trent offered.

The whole mission was just weird. Clay was helpful, he knew the language and was able to help get the locals on their side. The food, water and soccer balls for the kids went over so well that the local adults were more than happy to talk to them and talk about everything they knew. Clay was present and was focused, but he didn't speak much. The Clay they were used to didn't show up on this mission. There was no confidence, there were no questions or comments. He was very much a Yes Sir Boy on this mission. He spoke when he was spoken to and when it was required. It was like the Clay that they got was just some shell.

"Rusty? It's like we got a robot instead of a person. What the fuck happened to him?" Sonny said.

"He's not cocky anymore at least." Ray said with a small shrug. He didn't get it either, but this was Clay's first time out after whatever happened to him.

"I'd prefer for him to be cocky at this point." Jason said.

"Maybe he can't do this anymore. Whatever happened obviously changed him, maybe he's not cut out for this." Trent said.

"Either way, someone's gotta talk to him. We need to make sure his head is not up his ass. One bad op and he could get himself or one of us killed." Ray said.

"I'll talk to him." Jason said.

He knew what Ray was saying was right. Clay had to get back into the game and fast or one of his brothers could be paying the price. They all headed off to get their gear off and Jason waited until they were up in the air before he made his way over to Clay. Everyone was relaxing and getting ready to crash, but Clay was sitting down in the corner of the plane with his laptop and headphones on. Jason could see how exhausted he was, but also stressed. Something was going on and Jason needed to know what. He couldn't have Clay out in the field like this. Jason walked over and sat down in front of Clay. Clay's eyes snapped up when he saw someone in his line of sight. Clay paused the recording and removed his headphones.

"Ya Boss?" Clay asked.

"Not right now. Right now we are just two team guys having a chat about life. I'll be honest with you and you be honest with me. No judgments, no lectures, just two guys talking it out." Jason started. Even if he wanted to lecture and yell at Clay, there was no point. It wouldn't do anything because something else was going on, something he didn't know about. Clay didn't need a lecture, he needed someone who would listen and talk things out with him.

"Ok." Clay said, completely unsure about where this conversation was going to go.

"You know my dad was a Seal, not in DEVGRU, but Seal Team Four. He was gone a lot, but my mom was, is, amazing. And when he was home, he was home. His mind was with his family and he always made sure to make up for lost time. He took me to hockey practice and games. I wanted to be just like him and when he was killed on tour when I was sixteen, I knew I wanted to keep his memory alive. I wanted to honor him and keep helping people."

"I'm sure he's proud of you for it."

"Reluctantly proud, but ya he would be proud. I don't think he ever wanted me to be a Seal and follow in his footsteps. I didn't get it at first, but now I look at my son Mickey and the thought of him being out here, it makes my stomach go up in knots. Thankfully he is more interested in hockey and I have been pushing him to focus on that than anything else. I know Ash was overseas a lot and you were in Africa, apparently, were you with your mom?"

Jason knew his mother was dead, but he didn't want to let Clay know that. He needed Clay to open up to him. Jason was really trying to figure Clay out. Because right now he was seeing two completely different people in him and he needed to know which one was real. Was Clay the cocky pain the ass from their first mission or was he this quiet yes man that he was on this mission. Or maybe he was somewhere in between, either way Jason needed to know so he could move forward with the team.

"No she overdosed when I was four before I went over there."

"I'm sorry. So you lived with your grandparents?"

"Why are we talking about this?" Clay asked, not looking to reveal too much information about his life.

"I'm trying to learn more about you, figure you out. Why did you join the navy? Why did you want to be in DEVGRU? I know it wasn't because of Ash. I really need to know why kid."

Clay let out a slow breath as he looked around the plane. He saw that everyone was giving them space and wouldn't hear anything they talked about. Still, this wasn't easy to talk about for him. He never actually thought he would ever be telling anyone, but especially Jason.

"I joined because of you." Clay admitted softly.

That was not what Jason was expecting at all. He had no idea why Clay would ever join because of him. They had never met before, sure Clay might have heard of him, but that couldn't be enough to make him want to join.

"What do you mean, you joined because of me?"

Clay was quiet for a moment and Jason could see the level of pain and hurt that flooded through his eyes. Jason's mind was quickly trying to run through all the times he had saved someone from a mission that he could have come across Clay. The problem was he couldn't think of any one specific time. Jason moved from his spot across from Clay and sat down beside him. Jason didn't know what Clay was going to say, but he knew it would change things between them.

"I don't talk about it, I don't like talking about it. And I don't want anyone to know."

"I'm not going to tell anyone, you have my word on that." Jason said with complete strength to his voice.

Clay let out a shaky breath before he spoke. "I was four when my mother overdosed. It was just us in the apartment and it took a few days before Ash came by to give her drug money. When he found her dead he took me out and back to his place. I thought I was going to be living with him. The next day he got dressed up in his fatigues and put me in his car. Told me I was going to be living in Africa with my grandparents. Told me how there were giraffes and elephants wandering free, that I could ride them. He made it sound like this amazing place, I was so excited to be there and meet these grandparents. I thought he was coming too, but when we got to the gate he told the flight attendant that I was travelling alone. He got called away for an emergency deployment and he couldn't go with me. They allowed me on the plane alone. He told me to be a good boy and that my grandparents were going to pick me up when I got there. Then he walked away."

Jason didn't think he could find anyone more disgusting as a father then Ash. The problem was though, this wasn't getting him any answers as to how Clay joined the navy because of him. All he was learning was how much of an asshole Ash was. Still, it seemed like Clay needed to talk so he was going to let him go at his own pace.

"When I got off the plane it was a whole other world. Everyone spoke a different language, the signs were all in different languages and I knew none of it. I got off the plane and just stood there waiting to see my grandparents. I had no idea who they were or what they looked like, but I believed I would know when I saw them. I knew they would have to be white, so I focused on the white faces, but there weren't many. After three hours a woman came up to me and asked if I was lost. I told her I was waiting for my grandparents, but I had never met them before so I didn't know what they looked like. She told me she was going to help me find them. I never should have gone with her." Clay said with regret flooding his voice.

"You were only four years old Clay. You were in a foreign country in a place filled with strangers. It's natural for you to trust an adult, trust that someone would help you, especially a woman." Jason said gently.

"She asked about my bag, but Ash didn't pack one. All I had was the clothes I was wearing. She took me outside and got me into a car. There was a man there, but she said it was her husband. They just wanted me to get out of the heat and they would find my grandparents. That we were going to head off to the Embassy because they would have my grandparents' name and address. They took me to this house and that started my living nightmare for ten years." Clay said with a deep pain to his voice.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Jason asked gently. He didn't want to push Clay on this, but anything could have happened in that house.

A single tear rolled down Clay's cheek and he wiped it away as he spoke. "They um… they ran a human trafficking ring. I spent ten years being chained up in different rooms, being tortured and raped by a lot of men. I stopped counting a long time ago how many, how many times I was moved. Then one day I was in a room with a new client and before he could touch me a bullet went right through his chest. Then you walked in." Clay said, as he turned his head slightly so he could look at Jason's face.

Jason's mind instantly popped the memory in. He clearly remembered that mission. He was already in Bravo, but not in charge. They were sent in when there was word of a human trafficking ring that was using the profits to fund a terrorist cell. Jason was already a father and when he walked into that warehouse, into that room and saw a naked man standing in front of a small boy he just shot. Jason could still clearly remember that little boy. He was thin and covered in bruises. He was filthy and naked with a chain attached to his ankle. In the room was a dirty thin mattress on the floor and a bucket. Jason had taken his jacket off and covered the boy up while he got the chain removed from him. It had taken a long time to get Clay to even leave the room with him. After a couple of hours Jason was finally able to get Clay cleaned up in the shower, dressed in some clothes and examined by a military doctor.

"I remember, but I had no idea it was you. I didn't even know you were American. I'm so sorry Clay." Jason said, his voice thick with remorse. He thought that kid he found would be ok, that his parents would be found.

"You got me free, you don't have anything to be sorry for. I know I didn't talk, but you spent all night sitting beside my bed and you just talked. It was the first time in my life I felt safe. It meant everything to me. Afterwards I stayed in an orphanage and got my high school diploma and when I was eighteen I got on a plane and headed back to the states. I wanted to do something to help people and I wanted to be someone that was worth being saved. I had no idea if you were still alive, but I figured the best way to pay you back was to enlist. To help more kids and make you proud. I never thought I would see you again or even be going on missions with you. I guess I didn't turn out how you probably thought."

"I've always told myself to not think about the people I come across on missions or on tour. But there have been times when I can't help but wonder about someone, mostly a child. I still have nightmares about finding that little boy in that room. Finding you in that room. I've never forgotten about you and I've often wondered what happened to you. You're a seal." Jason said with a proud smile. Jason moved his hand to the back of Clay's neck and rubbed his thumb along it as he continued. "Clay, I couldn't be prouder of you. After everything you went through for those years, you could have easily given up, turned to drugs or drinking to deal with it. You became stronger, you survived. You became a warrior. I couldn't be prouder of you."

Clay gave him a sad smile and Jason could see the pain was still very much fresh in him. It wasn't a wound that would heal easily, it was still hurting him and Clay was still a long ways away from being healed. Jason was determined to help him get there though. He had to leave Clay in Africa when he was younger, but he wasn't about to leave him there a second time. Whatever was going on with Clay, Jason would have to try and help him through it and help him find his footing again.

"I don't know what happened three months ago that pulled you out. It's your story and business to tell, but I can see that it's changed you. Before you were cocky, not afraid to tell us your opinion or thoughts. This time around though, you didn't speak up unless we asked you. You kept quiet and your head down. I need to know who the real you is Sunshine."

"Neither I guess. I learnt pretty early on it was easier to put up a cocky front with people. If they were giving me shit about being cocky they weren't giving me shit about being smart. Kinda became a self-defence mechanism. As for today, you didn't pick me, you got stuck with me. I don't know if you would have picked me three months ago, that mission we did together didn't end well. I figured I had screwed myself out of getting the chance to learn from you. And now you got stuck with me so I figured I would keep to myself and follow the orders. Figured I had a better chance of not getting kicked out that way." Clay said with a small shrug.

"I don't care for the cocky front. You can lose that, because none of us care that you are smart. We could use a little smart in the family. But I don't need some robot either. We need someone real. We need you to be who you are. I need you to put in your opinions and ideas. I want you to ask questions, I want you to learn. We need Clay Spenser, not someone who doesn't exist." Jason explained.

"Ok, I get it. I'll stop hiding." Clay promised.

"That is exactly what we need. And never be afraid to be smart. Smart people, they see the world differently. That difference could be the difference of us all getting home safe or us burying one of our own. So ask all the questions you need and voice your opinion. That's how I run my team."

"I can ask a lot of questions." Clay warned.

"I'm good with that. It tells me you are listening and looking to learn. And we'll teach you everything we know and how to do this job the right way. Now is there any chance that you are going to tell me what the hell took you out for three months? And why you are killing yourself working two full-time jobs?"

Jason didn't know if Clay was going to tell him, but he was really hoping he would. Even if he had to keep it to himself, he would. He just needed to know where Clay's head was at and make sure he wasn't asking the kid for too much.

"Some medical bills came up that I'm on the hook for."

"For you?" Jason was concerned that Clay had been sick for the past three months and maybe now he was back to being healthy enough for active duty.

"No, someone in the family. I'm completely healthy I swear."

"Is there anything we can do to help?"

Jason would have liked to know who was sick, but it seemed like Clay didn't want to share that information. He couldn't help but wonder if it was Ash.

"No, I just have to work and try and pay it off. I won't let it interfere with being in Bravo." Clay promised.

"Honestly, I'm not happy with you working two jobs. I'm not happy that you should be resting and sleeping right now, but instead you are working. When the hell do you sleep?"

"At night. It's a balancing act, but I'll get there, I swear."

He knew he couldn't order Clay to only be working one job. That wasn't his place and he knew what it was like to not make enough money to support the household. He had Alana to help out and together they made it work, but if he had to do it on just his salary alone, they would be in trouble. He would be keeping a close eye on Clay to make sure he wasn't working himself into the ground.

"Fine, but I'm reserving judgment on it. This isn't me approving it. People are not meant to be working eighteen hour days and barely getting any rest or stress release."

"I'm ok. I'm used to long days and hard work."

There were plenty of times growing up where Clay would go days without sleep because of the men coming in to rape him. Even the nights when he would be left alone he was too afraid to fall asleep. He had gotten used to not sleeping then, he would again now.

"Don't make it healthy. Have you had any problems from what happened to you growing up? Did you speak to someone about it?" Jason asked gently.

What Clay went through was damaging and easily destroyed a child for the rest of their life. The fact that Clay wasn't a drug addict or an alcoholic was impressive all in itself.

"I'm good."

Clay had never spoken about it. The military didn't know, no one knew. He knew if the Upper Brass found out what he had gone through growing up they would order him to speak with a shrink and Clay knew what that shrink would find. He would be diagnosed with PTSD and medically discharged from the military. Clay couldn't let that happen. This was his dream and he wasn't going to lose it. Not only that, without the military, he had no idea what he would do for work. He would lose everything.

"Alright, well if there is a time where you're not good. You can always talk with me. I'll always listen, any of the guys would. And just know that there is no shame in needing to speak with a professional."

"I know. I'm alright."

Jason placed his hand on the back of Clay's neck and rubbed his thumb along it. "Ok. I'll let you get back to work, but you also need sleep too Sunshine."

"I'm almost done and then I'll get some sleep."

Clay was nowhere near done, but Jason would be asleep soon and he wouldn't notice. Clay was looking at day three without sleep, but he could always try and catch a nap later on in the day. When they land it would be around ten at night so they wouldn't have to stay at base. Clay could head home and try and get some sleep. Jason gave a gentle pat to the back of Clay's neck before he removed his hand and got up. Clay put his headphones back on and got back to work. He had a deadline and he needed to meet it. Jason headed over to where the guys were all standing around trying not to make it seem like they were waiting to hear about what Jason had discovered.

"So?" Ray asked.

"He knew we didn't pick him and he didn't want to get kicked out so he figured he would keep his head down and just do as he was told."

"So we get the yes boy then?" Sonny asked.

"No, I told him that we didn't need him to do that, that we needed him to be himself. No cocky shield, just Clay Spenser. He said he would stop hiding and just be himself."

"So are we keeping him?" Sonny asked.

"Ya, we're keeping him. He needs some time to adjust, but he'll get there. He's a good kid and he is skilled. He'll be a good fit." Jason said.

"Well that's a huge change of tune from you. You must have had one hell of a talk with him." Ray said surprised.

"He's not who I thought he was. He's Bravo, it's just that simple." Jason said with strength to his voice. If there was one thing that Clay was, it was Bravo and Jason wasn't letting him go anywhere, not again.

"Did you find out what happened three months ago?" Trent asked.

"He didn't really want to talk about it. Just said he had medical bills to pay for someone in his family."

"He didn't say who?" Ray asked.

"Nope. We know his mother died when he was four, he didn't say anything about grandparents. I'm thinking it was Ash, but why the kid would be paying for it, I don't know." Jason answered.

"He wouldn't talk more about it?" Brock asked.

"Nope and I didn't push. Not yet anyways. He needs time to build that trust with us. For now we'll work with him and build up that trust." Jason said.

"And if he don't get better?" Sonny challenged.

"He will. He wants to be here and he's worked his ass off to get here. He's family, it's just that simple Sonny." Jason said with complete confidence. Clay would work it out and they would finally start to see the real him.

"Fine, but I still don't like him working two jobs." Sonny said stubbornly.

"He's gotta pay off medical bills. It makes sense that he is working two full time jobs. Medical bills are no joke, even with our coverage, and there's no guarantee his coverage covered whoever the patient was. He could have medical bills that are half a million dollars right now, easily." Trent said. He knew how bad it could be to pay off medical bills. He had watched as his parents paid off his grandfather's cancer treatments for close to twenty years. It was no joke and could easily make someone homeless.

"Half a million? Shit." Sonny said shocked.

"It can drown someone. He's in a three bedroom right now, wouldn't surprise me if he was renting out the other two rooms to help with rent." Trent said.

"He might be. We'll have to keep an eye on him, make sure he's eating and sleeping properly." Jason said.

"He say how he got to Africa?" Brock asked.

"Ash sent him to live with his grandparents." Jason lied.

He didn't want to tell the others what happened to Clay. That was his story to tell and it was on him who he told it to. Clay also had shame radiating off of him. He was still very much a victim to what happened to him and it was clear he felt like he had something to be ashamed of. That he had done something wrong to deserve what happened to him. That was something that Jason was going to be working with him on, because Clay had nothing to be ashamed of.

"Well at least he grew up with family. It would have been better if he wasn't in Africa though." Ray said he was pleased that Clay didn't have to grow up alone.

"How crazy is it though that Adam is his uncle." Sonny said.

They hadn't been able to talk about it because Clay had been around them. They had no idea that Adam even had a sister.

"It's wild. I mean at eighteen she got pregnant then Ash had to have been sleeping with her before she was of legal age." Ray said.

"Just when you thought he couldn't be more of a disgrace." Trent commented.

"I feel bad for Adam." Brock said.

"Ya, all that is left of his sister is the kid and he didn't get to be there to watch him grow up. It's a shitty deal no matter how you look at it." Sonny said.

"They have each other now. They can make up for lost time." Jason said. He was hoping that Adam would be able to help Clay through the pain from growing up.

"We gonna celebrate tonight his first official operation?" Ray asked.

"Not tonight the kid needs sleep. We're off tomorrow we can surprise him at his place with pizza and beer to celebrate." Jason was more interested in seeing where Clay was living and making sure he was good there. Derek had said he could barely afford food, so he wanted the chance to be able to snoop around.

The guys all agreed and they headed off to their own area. Jason looked over at Clay and saw that he was still working. He really was not happy about this. He didn't like that Clay was working two jobs just so he could pay for medical bills that Jason had a feeling weren't his responsibility. Jason let out a sigh before he headed off to get some sleep himself. They never know when they are going to be spun up so it was best to sleep when you could.

XXX

Clay made his way into his apartment just after eleven that night. He was exhausted. He had managed to get four hours of sleep on the plane, but he still had a lot of work to catch up on. It was going to be another long night and day. At least tomorrow was Saturday so he had a good shot at not being spun up, giving him the day to get what he needed to get done finished for his second job. Clay walked into his apartment and saw Adam walking out of his kitchen. Clay gave him a warm smile as he looked around.

"She's asleep, for a couple hours now. How was your first operation on Bravo?" Adam asked, warmly.

"It was a success." Clay said, as he put his things down.

"That's good, but I meant how did you feel being back?"

Adam knew this was something Clay had wanted, he had worked his ass off to get. He also knew though that the circumstances around his return could make it difficult to have that excitement at being in his dream job.

"I was so afraid of screwing up that I almost screwed up because of it." Clay admitted, as he sat down on the only piece of furniture he had in his living room, besides a small cheap coffee table. Adam made his way over to him as he spoke.

"It can't be that bad. What happened kiddo?"

"The first time I went with them as a Strap ended horribly and I knew there was a very slim chance Jason would pick me. So I figured with him being struck with me I would just do as I'm told and not really say anything unless addressed. Like it used to have to be when I first joined Team Three."

"Oh there's no way that went over well with Jason. He hates a yes man. He yell at you?" Adam was already thinking he would need to have a chat with Jason tomorrow and let him know that Clay was his nephew. That would make Jason treat him like the guys and not someone that shared Ash's DNA.

"No actually. I thought maybe he would when he came over to talk on the flight home. He just wanted to talk and see what was going on with me and the sudden change in personality. He told me he didn't want some yes man and I could leave the cocky persona behind. Said he needed the real me, I promised no more hiding."

"Good. I told you he wouldn't care about you being smart or you asking questions. Jason is different, he likes opinions and creative thinking. It's a good place for you. He'll teach you and let you grow in a safe environment."

Clay gave a quiet nod and Adam could tell that something was bothering him.

"What is it kiddo?" Ash asked, gently.

"It feels like I'm being selfish." Clay softly admitted.

"You're not Clay." Adam instantly said.

The very last thing he wanted was for Clay to feel like he needed to give up on his dream because of Ash. Clay didn't deserve that.

"It doesn't feel that way. It feels like I'm being self by going back to the teams. Maybe it would be better for her if I went the STA-21 route. I'd be in school for up to three years, but my schedule would be normal, I wouldn't be getting shot at. I would be there for her more, eventually make more money so I wouldn't have to work two jobs."

It was something Clay went back and forth on. He wanted to eventually be in an office working as an Admiral, but he wanted to run his own team first. He wanted that life experience first, but maybe that was just because he wanted to be in a Tier One team. Being an Admiral was his plan for after he lived through being a Tier One operator, it was his road to retirement. Clay couldn't help but think maybe it would be better for him to let his dream go and just do what he needed to do.

"You wouldn't have to work two jobs if Ash wasn't being a fucking asshole and blocking you from what you need. I wish you would let me handle him." Adam said, with an edge to his voice. He wanted nothing more than to get his hands on Ash and make him pay for everything he had done to Clay.

"He's my responsibility to handle." Clay said, once again.

"I know, but one day I might just ignore your wishes. Look kiddo, the only thing that matters is what you want. What is your dream? Don't overthink it, if you could do anything, what would it be?"

"I want to be in the teams, I want to run one. It's not that simple anymore though."

"Simple in the practical sense, no, but it is just that simple of a decision to make. Ash has taken so much from you. More than I know you have been comfortable sharing with me. I don't know what happened to you in Africa, but I do know it was something traumatic that you experienced. The pain in your eyes when I have brought up your past is still fresh and unbearable. He's one of the people responsible for that pain. He has robbed you of your childhood. He's robbed you of a life where you could have grown up in a safe place with parents who love you. He doesn't get to rob you of your dream too. We will figure this out. You're not alone, you got a whole family kiddo, and we'll all be there for you." Adam said warmly, as he placed his hand on Clay's shoulder.

"I just don't want to let you down. You lost your sister because of me, I don't want it to be for nothing." Clay said, as he tried to hide the pain from his voice.

"Clay is that what you think? That your mother's death is your fault?" Adam asked, with hurt edging his voice.

"I don't remember much before she died, but I do remember her using; her yelling at me. She used to tell me all the time that I ruined her life."

"No, fuck Clay no. Your mother was on the road to self-destruction when Ash got involved in her life. She was using drugs from the age of sixteen. She had every reason to get sober and make a real life for herself standing right in front of her everyday. She chose to keep going down the wrong path. It had nothing to do with you. She was too far lost before you were born. I'm just sorry I didn't know she didn't go through with the abortion. I would have been there for you. I would have petitioned the court to take custody of you. I failed you." Adam said, with a deep regret.

"You can't fail someone that you didn't even know existed. You thought she went through with the abortion, Ash let you believe it. You didn't know and you're here now. You're helping me with her when she is not your responsibility. I couldn't do this without you." Clay said honestly.

"And you will never have to." Adam said, as he placed his hand on Clay's cheek and rubbed his thumb along it.

Clay gave Adam a warm smile. He really didn't have any idea how he would feel if Adam hadn't been there for him three months ago. Adam had given him the strength and encouragement he needed to step up and do what was right. Adam was his support and strength in all of this. Clay couldn't help but wonder what his life would have been like if Adam and Victoria had been in his life. If he had grown up with a father and mother who loved him and raised him. It was a dangerous game though, because maybe he wouldn't have grown up wanting to be a Seal and he loved his job. Then again, maybe he would have grown up to be one because Adam was one. It was a slippery slope that Clay didn't let himself think about too often. He didn't need to go down that slope, there was no going back and it would only waste energy that he didn't have.

Adam pulled Clay in for a hug, one he easily returned. Clay had never been one for touching, especially after ten years of being a sex slave. Touching was not something he enjoyed by other men. With Adam though, it brought a comfort and safety to him. After a moment Clay pulled back and Adam spoke.

"Vic made you some food. It's in the fridge and she was not happy to hear that you didn't have any." Adam gently lectured.

"I got spun up. I was gonna hit the food bank."

"And how many times over the past three months have I told you that we would help you if you need it. That we didn't want you having to go to the food bank just so you can eat. I know you are not used to having people who care about you in your life, but you have people in your life that love you. And we do not want you going hungry, you've already lost weight and with this job you need to be eating. It's too dangerous for you to be going all day without food. You gotta start letting us help you more."

"She's not your responsibility." Clay said, something he had said before on numerous occasions.

"You keep saying that, but I can argue she isn't your responsibility either. You stepped up when you didn't have to and I'm proud of you for that, but that doesn't mean you have to take her on all alone. You've been slowly letting us in, but you gotta let us help you more kiddo. Eventually you will be on tour for three months, it makes the most sense for her to be with me and Vic while you are gone."

"I know, but that isn't fair to you guys."

"It's not fair for you to be missing tours. We can handle it. It's not something we have to work out tonight, we have time before your tour rotation comes up. You need to eat something and get some sleep."

Clay gave a small nod, he was exhausted but he was hungry too. They both stood and Adam pulled Clay in for another hug.

"I love you kiddo."

"I love you too."

Adam pulled back and headed out of the apartment. Clay let out a sigh, he was exhausted, but he had some work he needed to finish first. He had deadlines for the translations and he couldn't be late. That was part of the deal he made to be allowed to still work for the linguistics unit full time. Clay rubbed his face for a second before he headed down the hallway until he reached the middle bedroom. He opened the door very quietly, using all of his training to ensure he wouldn't make any noise and risk waking her up. Clay made his way into the room and did his best to ignore how little was in the room. Clay made his way over to the portable pop up playpen that was being used as a crib. He looked down into it to see his beautiful three month old little girl sound asleep with her thumb in her mouth.

Clay couldn't believe that his life had changed this much over the past three months. Three months ago he was just a few hours away from achieving his dream of becoming a Tier One Operator. He was dating Stella, getting his own apartment, he had his whole future ahead of him. Then it all changed in a blink of an eye. Finding out that Ash had gotten another young woman pregnant, a woman who was brought into the hospital thirty-three weeks pregnant and overdosing from heroin. She died in the ER and an emergency c-section was done right there in the ER. Ash didn't want her, refused to see her, name her, anything to do with her. Clay knew he could have walked away, almost did himself, but he couldn't risk her going through anything he did as a child. The only way to protect her from that possible life was to take care of her, to raise her. Adam had been his saving grace in all of this. He had been there for him throughout all of this. Throughout every procedure that she had to have to save her life. She was born sick, so sick the doctors didn't think she would make it three days, but she did. She was a warrior, a fighter and Clay fell in love with her completely for it.

"Good night Lexi." Clay whispered before he headed out. He made his way to his kitchen to warm some food up before he had to get back to work. He should be sleeping, but it would all be worth it when he got his pay cheque and was able to keep putting a roof over her head. All of the hours were worth it every single time he got to see that sweet little smile of hers. Clay was going to give her a good life and he was not going to turn out to be like Ash. He would figure it out, no matter what.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wasn't going to post this until Wednesday, but I got it done early, so I figured why not? This is going to be a medical chapter and take you all back three months to when it all began. Please remember that Lexi is alive and well, so don't let it get you too sad this chapter as we cover her health. She makes it!
> 
> I am also not a doctor or in the medical field. I have done research to the best of my ability. If there is something that I have missed, please message me so I can include it properly. I try to make my stories as close to realistic as I can, especially when it is medically related. I appreciate any info or personal experience that you have.

**3 Months Ago…**

Captain Harrington made his way through the SERE training house. This was the first time he would have to pull a candidate out of SERE, but the situation called for it. With only three hours left Harrington wished he could have waited, but if he waited it might be too late. He opened the door and made his way through, ignoring the men that were in the cages. As he walked by, he didn't see the man he was looking for so he went into the back room. He saw Clay sitting tied to a chair getting waterboarded.

"Stop." Harrington ordered.

At his presence, Big Chef stopped what he was doing and stepped away from Clay. Clay coughed and spat out some water as he turned and looked at Harrington. He knew this wasn't right, that only solidified when the trainers removed their masks.

"Sir?" Big Chef asked.

"I have to pull Spenser."

"Hell no. I'm hours away from passing." Clay said with a thick voice. Yes he was in pain, exhausted and would love to shower and sleep for the next couple of days, but he was not about to lose.

"How do you know how much longer you have?" An instructor asked.

"Each of us spends four hours a time in here with you, it's easy to keep track." Clay said, like it was completely obvious.

Big Chef just gave a chuckle to that. Of course Clay would figure out a way to keep track of time in a dark room.

"I'm sorry Spenser, I have to pull you. This can't wait three hours. I'll explain on the way. Cut him loose." Harrington ordered.

"What does this mean for my SERE training though?" Clay asked, as Big Chef went and removed his binds.

"We can work that out later." Harrington promised.

"You ok to walk?" Big Chef asked.

"Ya." Clay said with a small nod of thanks.

Clay stood up making sure to go slow so the room wouldn't spin on him. He was sore and hurting, but he was used to dealing with pain. Clay followed Harrington out of the house and over to his truck. He got in and once Harrington was driving he spoke.

"Sir, what is going on?"

"I received a call from the hospital, a woman came in with an apparent overdose. She was also eight months pregnant. She didn't make it, but the baby girl did. From what the doctors told me, she is very sick and they are unsure if she is going to make it. They immediately ran her DNA and it came back as a match to Ash and yourself."

"She's mine?" Clay asked shocked. He always wore protection when he was with a woman.

"No, Ash's. Your DNA is in the military database and when a hospital runs DNA they check every database. They haven't been able to get ahold of Ash or the mother's family. They need someone that is a blood relative there to make medical decisions. It's why this couldn't wait. I'll take you to base so you can clean up and get dressed before you head over there."

Clay didn't know what he was feeling right now. He was relieved she wasn't his kid, but at the same time, her being his half-sister didn't make this less complicated. Clay kenw for a fact that Ash wouldn't want anything to do with the baby. He had no interest in being a father at all or a good person for that matter. Clay had no idea what to do about any of this. He was exhausted and up until a few minutes ago all he wanted was to pass SERE training so he could go to sleep. Now it was looking like that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. He also couldn't help but wonder what this would do to his DEVGRU qualifications. Would he fail Green Team and have to start all over again? Would he even be allowed to start again? Did Ash really just cost him his dream? Everything was so up in the air and he knew he should be more focused on the fact that there was a baby out there sick and potentially dying. Still, after sixty-nine hours of being in that house, of going without sleep, being waterboarded and beaten, he felt like he had a right to be worried about his future.

"I know you are worried about being pulled out, and no that doesn't make you a bad person. I meant what I said, we can work it out. If you wish to still be in DEVGRU after all of this then I am confident I won't have any trouble being able to grant you your certificate. Focus on this situation and then keep me informed of what happens. We'll work it out Spenser. From everything I've seen from you, you're very skilled. Any team will be lucky to have you."

"Thank-you Sir."

That did ease some of his worries and fears. Still though, it did nothing to ease the questions he had about this situation. Unfortunately the only one with answers would be the doctors. Clay was hoping they would give him some and not stonewall him until Ash decided to grace them with his presence. Once at the base, they got out and Clay headed off for the showers where he could get cleaned up and then changed. He kept a spare change of clothes in his locker for Green Team. Clay got into the shower and turned the water on as hot as it could go. He was freezing and just wanted to be able to take the chill away from his body.

Clay made quick work of getting cleaned up and getting as much blood off of him as he could. Nothing was broken, he was just banged up. That was the point, they couldn't actually do anything dangerous with them. Clay knew some people would give in, especially once the water torture started, but to Clay it was nothing he wasn't used to. He spent ten years in hell, this was nothing. Once he was cleaned, Clay got out and dried off real quick before getting dressed. He only had his uniform so he was hoping it would field any questions about his current state. He knew he would have a black eye and some bruising on his face. He also could do with a trim of his beard, but there was no time for that. Whatever was going on with the baby couldn't wait. Clay made his way to his car and headed off for the hospital.

Clay tried to call Ash along the way, not that he really wanted to but he could put his feelings aside when he had to. He didn't think Ash would answer, but figured he might if it was his number and not a private one. Not surprisingly Ash didn't answer and Clay didn't bother with leaving a message. The hospital would have already. Chances were he wasn't going to show up and Clay was going to have to play the lying game once again. He was very good at it, ever since he got out of his personal hell at fourteen he had been lying about how he ended up there. Was sent to live with his loving grandparents, but he was kidnapped before they showed. Then back in the US, his father was very loving and dedicated to serving his country. No he had no idea his son was stuck in some human trafficking ring for ten years. He was a great service man and a supportive father. All of it was lies, ones Clay had told just to avoid more personal questions being asked. It was easier to lie than tell people the actual truth about his childhood. The truth that haunted him to this day.

Clay knew it was a terrible thought, but for a second it did slip into his mind about how this little baby girl might be better off not making it. To have no mother and a father like Ash, she was in for a hard life. He knew Ash wouldn't raise her, he would give her up to whoever wanted her. He wouldn't care what they did for a living or how good of a person they were. All he cared about was being able to live his life without any responsibilities. He wanted to be famous and he didn't care who he hurt in the process. Most parents would be loving towards their children. Most would do whatever they could to make sure their child was safe and loved. Ash was the type of person that should have been castrated after he hit puberty. Clay arrived at the hospital and parked in the first spot he could find. He headed into the ER entrance, unsure of where the baby would be or where he was supposed to go. He figured the mom came in this way so they might have a better idea of where he needed to go.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for a patient. A pregnant woman came in with an OD, the baby is sick." Clay said to the nurse at the front desk.

"Baby Spenser?" The nurse asked.

"Ah ya I guess. You were trying to get a hold of my father Ash."

"The doctor has been trying to get a hold of your father. Were you able to?"

"No, he travels a lot so he might be on a plane. Where is she?" Clay asked, far more interested in the baby right now then Ash.

"Follow me."

The nurse got up and Clay had a feeling she wasn't happy that he wasn't Ash, but there was nothing he could do about that right now. Clay followed the nurse through the ER, up an elevator to the fifth floor then down a few more hallways until he reached the NICU. Clay quickly discovered how depressing this area in the hospital was. Walking by the wall of glass and only sick babies in incubators could be seen. Clay couldn't help but wonder if all the childish decorations were for the children or the nurses to give them something to look at and smile.

"Sarah, this is Baby Spenser's half-brother." The nurse said to another nurse in pink scrubs.

"Hi Clay Spenser." Clay added.

"Thanks Nancy." Sarah said warmly, before Nancy headed back to her own post downstairs. "Don't suppose you know where your father is Soldier?" Sarah asked, as she came around the desk.

"No I don't. And it's sailor." Clay said with a smirk. He was hoping a little charm could go a long way here.

"My mistake. Dr. Richards is Baby Spenser's doctor. He was called in when her mother was pronounced dead downstairs. Baby was still moving inside of her, an emergency c-section was performed by the trauma doc and Dr. Richards was called down."

"And she was eight months along?" Clay asked.

"Thirty-three weeks based on the baby's development. Honestly, it was a miracle she even made it that far. Tox screen showed that her mother, Beth, had been using the whole time. Heroin, and this time it was laced with fentanyl. She was gone by the time they rushed her into the ER. The paramedics knew enough to do CPR to push the blood and oxygen from Beth into the baby. It bought them the time we needed to get her out." Sarah explained as they walked into the clean area for the NICU. "You need to wash your hands, and then put on the gown."

Clay followed Sarah's lead in how to clean his hands properly and then he got the yellow gown thrown on over his clothes.

"How big is she? She must be addicted right?" Clay asked, as they made their way through the sea of sick babies.

"Most fetus' at thirty-three weeks are just over four pounds and about seventeen inches. She is twelve inches long and just under two pounds. She's going through withdrawals and is very sick." Sarah said, as they arrived at Baby Spenser's incubator.

Clay looked down at her and instantly his heart broke at the sight. She was tiny, Clay had seen kittens the size of her. It was hard to believe she was even alive. She had a tube down her throat connected to a ventilator. She had wires and other tubes going in and out of her all over her body. Her skin was almost see through it was so thin. Clay knew he was told she was alive and probably wouldn't make it, but looking at her, he had no idea how she was still alive. How could someone do this to their own child? Clay knew from his military evaluation when he enlisted that he didn't have anything underdeveloped. His mother was a heroin user, but it seemed like she stayed clean long enough to give birth. It wasn't a sure thing, but based on no lingering side effects, Clay was confident he could say he wasn't born addicted. Apparently this little girl's mother didn't care enough to even try to stay sober.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what any of this does for her or what it means for her." Clay said, as he tried to take it all in. The problem was, there were so many monitors and tubes it was hard to keep up.

"The vent is breathing for her. We also have an IV going in to get fluid and some drugs to help her through the withdrawals. She has a feeding tube that is giving her nutrients as well as a catheter. The bracelet is monitoring her pulse and oxygen levels and the electrodes are monitoring her heart. Dr. Richards will discuss with you more in depth everything that is going on with her."

"When will he be in?"

"I'm going to page him and let him know you are here. He'll probably be by within ten minutes. I'm going to go do that if you are ok here." Sarah asked gently. She knew this was overwhelming to see at first.

"Ya, no I'm fine. I can't touch her I'm assuming." The incubator was completely covered and there were no holes for someone to reach in like some of the other incubators.

"No, she has to stay in. It's keeping her warm. I'll go and let Dr. Richards know you are here." Sarah said.

Clay gave a nod as he was left alone with the baby. He sat down in the chair next to the incubator, his body was sore and exhausted from everything within the past three days. He had no idea what was going to happen now, but he was at least here and she wouldn't be alone. Clay had often wondered growing up if he would die alone, tossed into some shallow grave to be forgotten about. He wasn't afraid of dying, it was the fact he would be all alone for it. It was still one of his biggest fears. He couldn't do anything for this little one, but he could be here so she knew she wasn't alone. He could give her that comfort.

It was almost ten minutes later when Dr. Richards approached Clay. He could see the concern on the doctor's face as he took in Clay's appearance, not that Clay could blame him. He saw the same look from Sarah and Nancy. There wasn't anything he could do about that though.

"Clay Spenser?" Dr. Richards asked.

"Yes, Sir." Clay said, as he stood. He did his best to make sure he didn't move the wrong way to hurt his banged up ribs.

"Are you ok?" Dr. Richards asked, concerned as he looked Clay up and down.

"I'm fine. I was pulled out of SERE training."

"Did someone check you over before you came here?"

"No, I'm fine really. How is she?"

Dr. Richards removed his stethoscope as he spoke. "I can check you over and talk at the same time. SERE training, so how long has it been since you've slept and eaten?"

"I was held for sixty-nine hours before being pulled out. It was the middle of the day when we started so it's been about three, four days now."

"Any fire, electricity or water play?" Dr. Richards asked, as he started to listen to Clay's lungs.

"Water. But I'm fine."

Clay knew how to hold his breath under water. It wasn't his first experience with waterboarding.

"Anything feel broken?"

"Not allowed."

"I know, but it can happen. You take a punch the wrong way and it can crack a rib." Dr. Richards said, as he moved on to feel Clay's ribs.

"Nothing is broken or cracked. I'm just stiff and sore mostly. No punches to my torso, only some strikes with a belt or cord. Took a few hits to my face, but I'm not dizzy and no headache."

"Good, let me know if any of this hurts. As for Baby Spenser, she is very sick as I am sure you can see. She is dealing with more than just the heroin withdrawals." Dr. Richards started as he moved on to check Clay's head and neck.

"Her size I'm assuming."

"I'm afraid not. The heroin use has affected her heart, she is in heart failure."

"Ok, so what does that mean, she needs surgery or a new one?" Clay asked, trying to get his mind wrapped around this.

Because her life wasn't already hard enough the world thought she needed heart failure to go with it?

"She would normally need to be placed on the transplant list to receive a new heart. She has been placed on it, but she is not at the top of the list. However, it's not that simple. She's very weak and the heroin withdrawals are not helping to get her strong enough to survive the surgery. Not to mention if the transplant committee agrees to giving her a heart, she could be on the transplant list for months before one comes up. With her current stats, she won't make three days. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, you didn't do this to her. You're doing everything you can to help her. What are her odds?" Clay asked, doing his best to squash down any emotions he had right now.

"Less than five percent chance of survival. Honestly, I'm not even sure she'll make it through the night. You on the other hand will be fine after a couple of days' rest and some food into you." Dr. Richards said, as he moved back.

"What happens with her now? Who makes the decisions for her?"

"It would go to your father, but with him not here it can be placed on you or we can call social services and they will assign her a worker. It's up to you if you wish to be here with her or to have them handle things."

"No, no I'll be here. She doesn't deserve to have some stranger with a hundred other cases looking out for her. She doesn't deserve to become just another number in the system." Clay wasn't going to let that happen, there was no way in hell was he going to let that happen to her. She didn't deserve that. She didn't know him, maybe didn't even know he was here with her, but he was not going to let her die alone with some person who won't even remember her.

"That's your choice and as her only biological relative present, it's on you what happens next. We can keep going and doing everything we can for her and see if she improves. Or we can stop her treatments and take her off the vent and let her go." Dr. Richards said, gently.

"Let her go? You mean let her die?" Clay asked, shocked. How was that even an option?

"It's not an easy decision, but sometimes as doctors we have to make the decision on when it's time to say enough is enough. She's getting weaker by the minute, she can barely breathe on her own. Her body is starting to show signs of shutting down. She has too much heroin within her system and it is killing her slowly. I'm not saying you should stop treatment, I'm just letting you know your options and what she is going through." Dr. Richards said, gently. This was not a conversation he ever wished to have with any of his patients.

"Is she in pain?" Clay asked, sadly.

"We have her on pain medication so she's asleep, she doesn't feel anything. And if you do choose to remove her from the vent, we will keep her asleep so she won't even know what is happening. With no longer being hooked up to the vent within an hour or so her heart will stop. This is not a choice you have to make right away. You can take some time, try and get a hold of your father again. I'll be back in an hour to check in." Dr. Richards said.

Clay just gave a nod and Dr. Richards headed out. Clay's knees gave out and he fell down into the chair. He couldn't believe this. How the hell was he supposed to make a call like this? How could he decide if he should stop her treatment or not? He couldn't just make that decision, there was no way. Clay pulled his phone out and called Ash once again. Only to get his voicemail. Clay ended the call and looked down at his phone. He needed to call someone, he needed someone, anyone, to talk this out with. The problem was, he didn't have anyone. Brian was gone, he didn't have family to call. He literally had no one. Clay ran through the contacts that he had in his phone and stopped on Adam's. Him and Adam had built a version of friendship after Brian's death, at least Clay thought they did. If nothing else, Adam had a daughter, he was a father. He would be able to give him some insight into what to do for her. Someone he could talk to that was a parent. Clay hit Adam's name and placed the phone against his ear.

A dread filled his stomach when the ringing continued. Finally after almost going to voicemail Adam answered.

"Spenser, your ass is supposed to still be in SERE training. You better be dying for you to have tapped out." Adam instantly said. He had money on Clay being the biggest pain in the ass out of that class. The only one dumb enough to bet against Clay was Jefferson and that was only because he figured Clay would fall asleep in that cage even with the music blaring.

"Captain Harrington pulled me out about an hour ago. Said there was a family emergency that it couldn't wait. I'm at the hospital, I don't know what to do. I'm sorry for calling, it's just I don't have anyone to call and I don't know what to do."

The slight panic in Clay's voice was putting Adam on edge. Clay never panicked, he was always calm and collected. He analysed everything and could see through the bullshit. Adam had said it before, the kid could see the matrix and he was going to go down as one of the greats.

"First thing you need to do is take a slow deep breath kiddo. It'll be ok we can figure it out." Adam said, calmly.

Clay didn't even realise how shook he was until he heard Adam's voice. He did what Adam said and took a few slow breaths. He focused on his sniper training to get his breathing and the shaking of his body under control. After a moment Clay spoke.

"Sorry."

"You don't have anything to apologise for kiddo. What hospital are you in?"

"General."

"Ok, where in the General?" Adam asked, keeping his voice calm.

"NICU."

That confused Adam, but it also made sense why Clay would be so panicked. A sick child had a way of destroying even the strongest of men.

"I'm on my way and we will work it out. Just sit tight kiddo."

"Ok." Clay said with a shaky breath.

Clay ended the call and took a few more shaky breaths. Adam was on his way and together they could work the problem. That's always what they were taught, to work the problem. This was one problem he wouldn't have to work at alone at least. Clay sat back and kept his eyes on the baby, he vaguely thought he should give her a name so he doesn't keep calling her baby or Baby Spenser. At the same time though, once you name something you grow attached to it. Like naming a stray dog. You start to care for that dog and then it gets killed and you are left heartbroken. Clay didn't want to name her, not when he would be losing her. It was going to be hard enough watching her slowly die, he didn't need to get emotionally invested into her. It would be better if he stayed neutral and didn't get attached, kept a distance from her.

It was roughly twenty minutes later when Adam walked over to Clay. He was also wearing a yellow gown to ensure there were no germs that he brought in. Adam looked into the incubator for a second before turning his attention to Clay.

"Hey kiddo, how are you holding up?"

"An hour ago I was almost through SERE training. I was three hours away from achieving my dream. And now I'm sitting in a sea of sick and dying babies being put in charge of my half-sister's medical decisions. And you know what my thoughts keep going back to?" Clay started, and Adam grabbed a chair and brought it back over to them so he could sit in front of Clay as he continued. "That I would rather be there right now still getting waterboarded. What kind of person does that make me? That I would rather be getting tortured then sitting here safe?"

Adam let out a small breath before he reached over and placed his hand on Clay's knee. "It makes you a good man, because you would rather be getting hurt then her being here. SERE training is important to ensure Seals can handle the scenario where they could be tortured, but it also doesn't cover part of what could happen if you were captured. The emotional pain of seeing someone else being tortured. Most people are able to handle the physical torture, and those same men have cracked when someone else is tortured in front of them. There's nothing wrong with you kiddo, you're a good man just like the rest of us."

Clay still looked tortured and haunted. Clay wasn't in that house anymore, but he was still going through SERE training by sitting here. He was suffering from mental and emotional torture, something none of the other cadets would be going through.

"Big Chef, on his first tour in DEVGRU on Charlie an op went bad and he was captured." Adam started.

Clay's head snapped up, he had no idea that Big Chef had been captured. You couldn't even tell he had gone through anything like that.

"Now if you ask him, he'll tell you he wasn't there all that long. But he was gone for a month. It took Charlie that long to finally track him down. He says a month is nothing compared to how long some of the other captives had been there. They tortured him right away, burned him, waterboarded him, electrocuted him, cut him up real bad, broke over a dozen bones. He went through hell and he never broke. We were talking about it a few years ago when he first started helping out with SERE training. He said not once in the month that he was captured did he ever even think about breaking. After two weeks they brought in another captive and tortured him for days in front of him. Big Chef said it was the only time he wanted to give in and talk. That he finally gave them his last name and rank. Even the strongest men can endure endless torture for months on end and break when the emotional and mental torture starts. If Big Chef were here, he would tell you that it's natural for you to wish you weren't having to endure this level of pain. It doesn't make you weak kiddo, it makes you a good man."

Clay gave a small nod with a very small warm smile of thanks. "I don't know what to do." Clay said, sounding lost.

"Walk me through it." Adam said with patience.

Clay let out a slow deep breath before he spoke. "A woman was brought in by paramedics from a heroin overdose. She died enroute, but the paramedics gave her CPR to push the blood and oxygen to the baby. When she got here, she was pronounced and an emergency c-section was done in the ER. She was thirty-three weeks pregnant, but she didn't stop using heroin so the baby was born addicted. She's under two pounds and only twelve inches long. They ran her DNA and found a match through the military database to Ash and to myself. They called Ash, but he hasn't answered or responded to their voicemails. I called him too, but got no answer. They reached out to the base to find me, Captain Harrington came and pulled me out, like I said."

"Ok, what about the mother? Do we know anything about her?" Adam asked, looking to get all of the info.

"No, just that they couldn't find any relatives. I don't know if the Doc knows more about her."

"We can always ask. What about the baby, how sick is she?" Adam asked, he was making a point in using words like "we" right now so Clay knew he wasn't alone in this.

"It's bad. She can barely breathe on her own. She's going through withdrawals and is being kept on pain meds from it. Her heart was damaged from the heroin, she's in heart failure and needs a transplant. Dr. Richards said she was on the list, but it could take months before she gets one and he said she won't make it. He doesn't think she'll make it through the next day. Because Ash isn't here and no one can seem to get him on a phone, the doc said it was up to me."

"What's up to you?"

"If I chose to keep her on the treatment or if I stop treatment and let her go. He said if I didn't want to make the decision that he could call DCFS and have a social worker come down and handle her care. I can't do that though, she doesn't deserve that. But how do I decide if I should keep letting her suffer or letting her go?"

Adam wished he could take this on from Clay. It wasn't something he should ever have to go through. To be the one to decide if it was time to throw in the towel on an infant's life, it was heartbreaking. This was something that would stay with Clay for the rest of his life. Adam couldn't help but think about Hannah and how amazing he felt the day she was born. She was born perfectly healthy in a very unexciting delivery. Everything had gone perfectly and they had never had a scare with her at all in the sixteen years she had been alive. Something Adam was eternally grateful for.

"There's a moment in every team leader's life that they dread. They have nightmares about it and if they are lucky they will never have to live the moment. But there are a handful of team leaders that do have to live the nightmare and that is when you have to make the decision to accept that one of your men will die and you can't do anything about it. That rescuing your man will only result in the rest of your team being killed. As Seals, we pride ourselves on never leaving a brother behind, but what they don't tell you is that sometimes when you go and get them, it's after you've already heard them die. Knowing that they died so you can live. This is unfortunately a decision you will have to make, but it's not one you have to make alone."

"How do I make it though?"

"We get some more info on her condition and what that will mean. Then once we have it, we have to weigh what her life will be like. If she will be in pain, if she is suffering needlessly. As hard as it is, we need to know if keeping her alive is what is best for her or just cruel to her. Why don't I get the nurse to page the Doc and we can chat with him more."

Clay just gave a nod, but Adam wasn't expecting much of anything else. Adam patted Clay's knee before he got up and made his way out. Clay let out a shaky breath, he had to admit he did feel better with Adam here. He could at least talk with him and get his thoughts in order. He didn't have to do this alone, something Clay was very grateful for. He has always had a connection with Adam. Clay didn't understand it, but he felt like he knew Adam. He was easy to talk with and he didn't judge him. Clay enjoyed being around Adam and talking with him.

Adam made his way back over to Clay and sat back down as he spoke. "He'll be here in a couple of minutes. Did you get checked out before you got here?"

"No, he checked me out though. Said I was fine, just need food and rest."

"You look like crap. How was it for you?"

Adam knew SERE training was only pretend, the guys all knew it too, but that didn't change that it could still be mentally hard on you. Knowing it's pretend doesn't always make getting tortured easier.

"It was fine. It's just another test, and I don't fail tests. Some of the guys looked like they were going to tap out though. Not sure their minds were fully prepared for it."

"That happens in every class. Some of the guys can't handle the psychological aspect of it, even though they know it's not truly real and they can easily tap out. How are you handling the mental aspect of it?"

"I'm good. I've been through worse." Clay said, and Adam could see a deep raw pain in his eyes.

Adam had no idea what Clay's childhood was like, he knew he ended up in Africa, but how he had no idea. The raw pain put a dead weight in Adam's stomach that Clay had been through something so much worse then SERE. That knowledge only ate away at his heart. Before Adam was able to get more into it, Dr. Richards walked over to them.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Richards." He said, as he held his hand out to Adam.

"Adam Seaver, I work with Clay." Adam easily took the offered hand for a quick shake.

"Sarah said you had more questions about Baby Spenser." Dr. Richards started.

"We were looking to get a better understanding of her condition and her odds. We don't want to tap out too early without giving her a chance, but at the same time we don't want her to suffer needlessly." Adam answered.

"Of course. As I've informed Clay, she is very sick. She needs the ventilator to keep her oxygen levels up, without it she wouldn't be able to survive for very long. Her heart rate is low, due to her heart failure. We are doing everything we can in terms of medications to help her heart, but with the stress from the withdrawals her body is not responding as it normally would. The added stress is putting more of a strain on her heart. If she didn't have heart failure, there would have been better odds for her being able to survive the withdrawals, even being premature. However, the combination of withdrawals, heart failure and being premature, it's unfortunately only a matter of time now."

"Her odds?" Adam asked.

"Less than five percent I'm afraid. Her body is shutting down, we're giving her pain medications so she doesn't feel the pain she is in, but she is in pain. A lot of it. Based on her stats, she won't make it through the night." Dr. Richards said gently.

Adam turned to look at Clay as he sat back down. He reached over and placed his hand in Clay's as he spoke.

"I can't tell you what to do, all I can tell you is what I would do if she was my girl. I would end her pain. I would hold her, so she knew she was loved and I would let her go. She's in a lot of pain and she's dying slowly, keeping her alive right now kiddo is cruel. It's time to let her go."

Clay knew what Adam was saying was true. This was only causing her more pain and keeping her alive to suffer was cruel to do to her. He had to let her go. Clay gave a nod before he spoke. "Ok, let her go."

Dr. Richards picked up the clipboard by her incubator as he spoke. "I just need you to sign these forms and then I will remove her from the ventilator and remove any unnecessary tubes. I'll leave her heart monitor on, when she does pass it will beep, you can turn it off by hitting this button." Dr. Richards said, pointing to the off button on the monitor before he continued. "An alert will go off at the Nurses' Desk and a nurse will come in and see you."

Clay gave a nod and took the clipboard. After reading it he signed it and handed it back to him.

"Can I hold her?" Clay asked.

"Absolutely. If you want to, you can remove the gown and your shirt and hold her against your chest. Babies love the feel of skin on skin, it brings comfort to them." Dr. Richards said, as he started to remove the tubes and wires from Baby Spenser.

Clay removed his gown and his shirt. He was willing to do whatever it took to make this easier for her. Once she was ready, Dr. Richards picked her up very carefully and handed her over to Clay. He helped to get her in the right position so her chest would be against his chest by his heart. Clay gently wrapped his arms around her, he couldn't believe how light she was. It was like she was nothing more than air. Dr. Richards then picked up a blanket and laid it overtop of them, making sure it didn't cover her head.

"For what it's worth, I'm a father myself and I would make the same call. It's the hardest one to make, but know that you are doing the right thing for her." Dr. Richards said, offering what comfort he could to Clay.

"Thanks. I appreciate everything you've done for her." Clay said, as he looked down at the little girl.

"I'll leave you alone." Dr. Richards said, before he headed out of the NICU.

"All we can do now is wait I guess right?" Clay said, to Adam.

"We can give her a name." Adam suggested.

"No, nope. You name something and you get attached, it becomes real and personal. I can't name her."

Adam could understand where Clay was coming from. He didn't know from personal experience, but he did know a few people who had lost a baby after they were born. They all said the same thing, the hardest part was naming them. It made it more real that their child was born and it being real made it more painful to say goodbye. Adam couldn't blame Clay for not wanting to name her, for wanting to save himself from some of the hurt he was already feeling. After she passes Adam would name her and let the nurse know. He would also make sure she had a proper burial. She deserved to have a grave and stone, a place where she could forever rest and people could remember her. He would do that for her, he would do that for Clay.

"There is something that I've been wanting to talk to you about. I don't know how much Ash has told you about your mom." Adam started.

"The whore." Clay simply said.

"Excuse me?" Adam asked, shocked.

"That's what he calls her, the whore. I don't even know her name, every time I've asked him about her he just says she was a whore and that's all that mattered. Once though he did mention that she was an only child, both parents were only children and they were dead, and grandparents were all dead. Said the only biological family I had was him." Clay said with a shrug.

"Do you remember anything about her?" Adam asked. He had to tell Clay the truth, he had been wanting to since the first day he saw him. But Eric had pointed out how that could make Clay distracted while in Green Team and it wasn't fair to jeopardize Clay's dream.

"Um… bits and pieces really. Mostly I just remember her using drugs and being hungry and scared. I remember seeing guys coming and going, her being beat up, there was a lot of yelling. I do remember though there was one time about a month before she died, there was a man that came over, I don't know if he was her pimp or drug dealer, or maybe just a John. But he paid her for me to watch them have sex."

"Fuck." Adam said, as he closed his eyes. He knew his sister had gotten out of hand. But he had no idea it had gotten that bad. That she would willingly risk her own child's life for her own pleasure and needs.

"After she died, Ash put me on a plane to Africa the next day, said I was going to live with her parents. That turned out to be a complete lie, that to this day Ash will deny he had anything to do with what actually happened. Even though they bragged about how he knew. But during those ten years I was with them, I used to dream about this huge man coming to save me. Sometimes it would be my grandfather that would storm in and beat the living fuck out of them. Sometimes it would be an uncle I didn't know about. They would come in, give me a hug and take me home with them. Sometimes dreaming it up was the only thing that kept me fighting for so long." Clay said with a deep pain to his voice.

A deep pain flooded Adam's body. He wasn't sure what had happened to Clay when he was sent to live in Africa, he figured he must have been placed with a missionary. Now he was terrified, because something horrific happened to him to create that level of pain.

"What happened?" Adam asked with dread. He didn't want to know, but he had to know.

"I don't talk about it. Why are you asking about my mother?" Clay asked, changing the attention away from him.

"I don't want to upset you, but I also don't want to lie to you or keep something from you. Your mother was my kid sister."

"Wait, what?" Clay asked, snapping his attention to Adam and away from the baby.

"I didn't know you existed until I saw your name on my Green Team list. Ash had led me to believe Catherine, your mom, was getting an abortion. I wanted to tell you right away, but Eric had pointed out that it could be a distraction for you and the very last thing I wanted was to jeopardize your career. I wanted to tell you that I was your uncle kiddo right from the start. And I know this is not the time nor the place to be having this conversation. But I don't like keeping something like this from you. I don't want you to feel like you are alone, you're not. I'm here as a friend, but I'm also here as your uncle, as someone who cares about you."

Clay didn't know what to say to any of that. He didn't know what to think. He never thought he would ever have another biological family member out there. He believed Ash when he said his mother was an only child. It made sense, because he didn't remember anyone related coming around. There were no family pictures from what he could remember. He always dreamed of having an uncle, someone in his life that he could look up to and talk things out with. Someone that he could have in his corner. When he was little all he wanted was someone to protect him from the world. He didn't need that protection anymore, but part of him still wanted it, still longed for it. Finding out that he was related to Adam was weird, but at the same time it wasn't.

"What was she like?" Clay asked, after a moment. He had always wanted to learn more about the other half of his DNA.

"She was an oops." Adam said with a smirk. "I was twenty when my parents found out they were pregnant. They always wanted another child, but my mom, your grandmother, had a complicated delivery with me and her left ovary was removed. She was told it would be almost impossible for her to get pregnant again. They tried for years, but nothing ever came from it. So when they were fifty and found out she was pregnant they were shocked. They had been planning retirement soon and getting an RV to travel around the country."

"They weren't happy?" Clay assumed.

"Oh they were over the moon. My poor dad was stunned stupid for about three months, but he came around. The second they found out they were having a girl, oh man there was no stopping your grandmother. She had everything pink and white. The whole nursery was pink and white. She used to call me while she was in the baby stores going on and on about all the new toys and gadgets that they have now for kids. They did a gender reveal party and everything. Catherine had them wrapped around her finger before she was even born."

"What was she like?"

The only memories of his mother that he had were bad ones. As a kid it was hard to understand, but as an adult he knew she didn't start out that way. Something must have happened for her to get that way.

"She was a ball of sunshine. She was always smiling, always laughing. Her laugh was contagious too. Whenever I was feeling down or after a bad op, I could see her and everything was better. She was smart, very smart. You get that from her. She could do math at the age of three and she loved to read. She would always be in some makeshift fort reading a book, she would do it for hours. She could draw, she had sketch books all over the place full of drawings."

"What happened to her?" Clay couldn't imagine how a little girl like that could turn to drugs and the life that she did.

Clay also couldn't help but notice the similarities. He loved math and reading, he could draw and has spent many nights being up all night reading a book. He had spent hours drawing something just to escape the darkness of his job.

"Your grandparents," Adam was making a point in calling them that so Clay could get used to them being related. "They were killed in a car crash when she was four. I took on the responsibility of raising her. I could have let her go into the foster system, but I couldn't do that to her. I took her on and the challenge of being a Seal and raising a child. At the time Victoria and me had been together for three years and she was very good about it. She became like a mother to her. It was hard, but we made it work and Vic made sure I never gave up on my dream to be in DEVGRU. She started acting out around fifteen, I didn't think too much of it. I figured it was just normal teenage problems. We were working through it. Ash and Eric were in Alpha with me, we were thick as thieves. So when they offered to help me with her, to talk with her and even pick her up from school when I couldn't, I didn't think anything of it. When she was sixteen when I was on tour she ran away. Police reports were filed, but the police didn't have much interest in investigating because of her age. We looked everywhere. All of the guys in Alpha and the other teams were searching the whole city for her, we never found her."

"But Ash did?"

"He did. He never told us, kept it a secret. He knew where she was and he kept moving her so we couldn't find her. When she was eighteen he told us that she was pregnant with his kid. That led to obvious questions. That was when I found out he had been sleeping with her since she was fifteen, that he had given her heroin and money for her to keep using. He told us that he demanded for her to have an abortion and that she was. I almost killed him, Eric stopped me before I did. I demanded to know where she was, but when I got there she was gone. I always suspected he called her to warn her. For the next four years I tried to find her, but when I did she was dead. The police had called to inform me of her death. I asked about a child, but they said there wasn't one. I figured she must have gone through with the abortion. I can't tell you how happy I was to see your name on that piece of paper. To actually see you for the first time. You look so much like her. You remind me of her so much. The way you think, that is all your mother." Adam said with a warm smile.

Clay didn't know how to feel about any of this. It was all so weird and unexpected. This whole day was weird and unexpected. He needed to be able to process all of this, but right now all he could focus on was the little baby girl in his arms. After not saying anything for a few moments Adam spoke.

"You ok kiddo?"

Clay let out a long breath before he spoke. "It's been a lot today. I just need time to process everything."

"Take all the time you need. Just know that I'm always going to be here for you." Adam said warmly.

Clay gave a small nod, but he kept quiet. His mind was overflowing with information from today. He was still trying to wrap his head around having a half-sister, now he has an uncle to go with it. It was a lot and he needed time to sort his thoughts and feelings out. They sat there in silence for the next hour. Clay had been switching between looking down at the baby on his chest and at her monitors. It was roughly seventy-five minutes later when Clay broke the silence.

"Adam, the monitor."

Adam turned to look at the monitor and was expecting to see her heart rate dropping too low. He wasn't expecting to see what he did.

"She's improving." He said stunned.

"How?" Clay asked, stunned as well.

"She's not done fighting. I'm gonna go get the nurse."

Clay looked down at Baby Spenser as Adam headed off. He gently moved his hand up and down her back as he spoke. "If you're gonna fight, then I'll fight with you. I won't give up if you don't."

Clay couldn't believe she was getting stronger, she wanted to live. If she wanted to live, he would fight to the death for her. He could feel a piece of his heart being stolen by her. Adam came back in with Sarah and Sarah gave him a warm smile as she looked at the monitor.

"Her stats keep going up." Clay said.

"They are. She pulled a Joey." Sarah said warmly, she was very happy about this.

"A Joey?" Adam asked, confused.

"Are you ok, if I give her some oxygen? I paged Dr. Richards, he'll be here in a few moments." Sarah asked Clay.

"Ya, do whatever you need." Clay easily agreed.

Sarah spoke as she picked up the small oxygen mask and got it on Baby Spenser as she spoke. "To answer your question, a Joey is what we call it when a baby suddenly takes a turn for the better. Babies are very resilient, they can come back from almost anything. However, when we know they won't make it we will let the parents, normally the mother, hold their baby skin to skin against their chest. It brings comfort to them both. Sometimes the Joey miracle happens, the baby defies all odds and gets better. We call it the Joey miracle because when a baby kangaroo is born, the mamma automatically keeps him in her pouch to keep him warm and feeling safe. The Joey thrives in his mamma's pouch. Every now and then we get a miracle here in the NICU where one of our little Joeys completely turn around."

"You're saying by me holding her, she's getting better?" Clay asked, surprised by how something so simple was doing so much.

"Sometimes that's all it takes. Hearing your heartbeat and feeling the heat from your body, brings a strength and comfort to them. Doctors can't explain it, some babies just turn a corner even when everything is pointing towards them not making it."

Dr. Richards walked over to them and he gave them a warm smile as he took in Baby Spenser's stats.

"She's a little fighter this one. Her stats are coming up. Seems like you have another decision to make Mr. Spenser. We can continue course and let nature take its course or we can restart treatment for her."

"Restart it. She's fighting to live, we have to fight with her. Do whatever you gotta do." Clay said with a strength to his voice.

Dr. Richards gave a warm smile. "I was hoping you would say that. We're going to keep her on you, but Sarah, let's get the NG tube back in and her IV as well. Let's also get a heating blanket over them to keep her body temperature up. I want checks every thirty minutes. I'm going to talk to the transplant committee, let's get this girl a heart."

"Right away Doctor." Sarah said with a smile. She hated when they lost one, and this little girl seemed adamant about not leaving them.

Dr. Richards headed out and both Adam and Clay could see he was a man on a mission. Clay didn't know if it would be possible for Baby Spenser to get a heart, but he was happy to see that Dr. Richards was determined to fight as hard as he could for her.

"Can there be food or drinks in here?" Adam asked.

"Of course. The cafeteria is on the third floor." Sarah answered as she got to work on getting the items she needed out.

"I'm gonna grab us some coffee and you need food. I'll be right back." Adam said to Clay.

Clay gave a nod as Sarah picked up Baby Spenser and placed her back into the incubator so she could work. "That chair right there, you can switch it for the one you have. That one will be more comfortable and it reclines so you can sit back with her easier."

Clay gave a nod and got up to move the chair. He was stiff from sitting for so long, so he was looking forward to being able to recline back at least. It took a good twenty minutes before Clay was back sitting down, reclined now, with Baby Spenser curled up on his chest. They had a heating blanket over top of them and Clay had access to the controls in case he got too hot. It did feel nice against his cold skin and sore body. Baby Spenser was back asleep with an oxygen mask on her and a few tubes, but Clay wasn't too bothered by it, it meant she was still alive and fighting. Clay had no idea what he was going to do with her. If she did in fact pull through all of this, he didn't know what would become of her. Would she go into foster care and be loved or would she be neglected and abused? Clay knew what it was like to be stuck in a foster home, to be just another face in the crowd. Would anyone want her with being sick and having health problems? Clay wanted her to have a bright and good life, but could he spend all this time with her, watching her get stronger only to walk away? Clay had no idea what he was going to do, but he didn't have to figure it out now.

Adam walked back in with a couple of sandwiches and drinks for them. Adam handed Clay a sandwich and a water bottle before he sat down.

"Thanks."

"No problem. I'm sure you want coffee, but you need water in you. How is she doing?"

"Sleeping. I can't believe she's still fighting."

"She doesn't want to die. All we can do is help her keep fighting and fight alongside her until she tells us she can't anymore. I called Vic to let her know where we were, she said if you need anything don't hesitate to call."

"I appreciate it."

Adam sat back and they ate their food in silence, both not needing to fill the silence with pointless small talk. It was a couple hours later when Clay's eyes were starting to fall and he was struggling with staying awake.

"Close your eyes and get some sleep kiddo. She's alright." Adam said.

"What if something happens?" Clay asked, worried that he would miss something important.

"I'll wake you up. I'm not going anywhere. Rest, you need it just as much as she does."

Clay knew he needed sleep and if Adam was determined to stay here, he would take full advantage of that. Clay gave a nod and he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, allowing the sleep he desperately needed to consume him.

XXX

The past forty-eight hours had been brutal on Clay. It was a constant unknown of what was going to happen with Baby Spenser. He had no idea if any given moment would be her last. She continued to struggle to live, but she was fighting. Dr. Richards had said it was to be expected because of her heart failure. It was hard to improve when her heart was only getting worse. He did say her heroin levels were going down finally, so they were moving in the right direction in that sense. Clay had been in the hospital the whole time. Adam had left only long enough to grab Clay a change of clothes from his room on base or to get changed himself. He was a constant pillar of support for Clay. Clay had said he didn't need to stick around, but Adam was determined to not let Clay go through this alone. Something Clay was honestly very appreciative of. He wasn't sure he could do this alone.

It was just after ten in the morning when Dr. Richards came in wearing a very big smile.

"What's going on?" Clay asked.

"Call just came in, there's a heart on the way over here."

"She's getting a heart? You said it could take months though." Clay said shocked.

Dr. Richards had been able to fight for Baby Spenser and was able to get her at the top of the transplant list. Still though, they were told not to get their hopes up, that it could take months for a heart to come in and she didn't have months.

"We got lucky. A couple gave birth to a healthy baby, but the baby was born with a birth defect that didn't allow his brain to fully develop. He passed away from brain death, they were willing to donate his organs so his death could have some meaning, so he could save the lives of a dozen infants. The heart is perfect for Baby Spenser."

"Holy shit."

Clay couldn't believe this, she was going to get a heart. It wouldn't solve all of her problems, but if she wasn't slowly dying from heart failure, she just had to worry about the withdrawals and getting through them. If she pulled through the surgery, she could actually live.

"What happens now?" Adam asked.

"Once we have Clay's permission, we will move her down to pre-op to get ready for the transplant. The surgery takes roughly six to eight hours to be completed. Once the heart is in she will then go into post-op and then back up here. We will keep her on a ventilator and sedated until the pain level can be better managed. We also have to make sure her heart is beating strong enough to work her lungs. The ventilator will allow her lungs to take a bit of a rest while she is recovering. If all goes well, she will be able to leave in a month. She will have to come back every few days for check ups to make sure her heart is going strong and nothing comes up, but a lot of children do remarkably well. She will also need to take anti-rejection medication for the rest of her life. That comes with their own problems, but it's not something we need to get into right now. There will be a social worker from DCFS that will be coming by as well to speak with you. We haven't been able to reach your father, so the worker will need to speak with you about him and what Baby Spenser's situation will be like once she can leave."

"Like foster care?" Clay asked.

"That would have to be something you speak with the worker about. I'm not sure what the situation will be. I know from my own personal experience, they would prefer for her to go to family. If that is not an option, then she would go into foster care. Not something that needs to be worked out just yet. She has a long road to go still. If you agree to the heart transplant, I just need you to fill out this paperwork." Dr. Richards said, as he held up a clip board.

"Ya of course, do the surgery." Clay said, as he held his hand out for the clip board.

"Sarah will be in for her in a moment to take her down to pre-op. You can wait in the waiting room up on the fifth floor."

"Thank-you Dr. Richards. We know you did everything you could to get her to the top of that list. We appreciate it so much." Adam said, on their behalf.

"It's my pleasure. I'll be in there with the transplant team as well. I am her cardiologist so I will be in her life until she is eighteen." Dr. Richards said, as Sarah walked over to them.

"The room upstairs is ready Dr. Richards." Sarah said.

"Thank-you. I will keep you both updated as the surgery progresses. Do not worry though if you don't hear from us for a while, that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. No news is good news in this case."

Clay and Adam both gave a nod as Dr. Richards headed out and Sarah took Baby Spenser from Clay and placed her back into the incubator. Once Sarah was ready they all headed out and followed Sarah up to the fifth floor. Clay and Adam had to say goodbye to Baby Spenser as Sarah took her to pre-op for her new heart. Clay ran his hand through his hair as he spoke.

"I can't believe she's getting a heart."

"I know. You might have to give in and actually give her a name soon." Adam said with a teasing smirk.

Over the past two days he had seen the love Clay felt for her. He knew if she died he would already be devastated and heartbroken. Not naming her was just Clay's way of trying to keep some semblance of distance from her.

"I can't keep her." Clay said, sadly.

"You already made the decision to keep her kiddo. It's logistics that have to get worked out. Are they complicated, yes, but you are not the only single parent within the forces. Plenty of single dads working active duty. They all make it work, and they are not a genius like you."

"I don't know."

Clay honestly had no idea what to do about any of this. He wanted her to be happy and loved, he knew that much. He just couldn't see how him being in DEVGRU and raising a sick baby would ever be possible.

"It's not something you have to figure out right now." Adam said; he didn't want to add stress to Clay at this moment.

Clay gave a nod and they both went and sat down, they had a long wait ahead of them. It was about three hours later when the one person in the world walked into the waiting room that Clay never thought he would see. Clay got up and made his way over to Ash, Adam wanted to go over there, but he knew it would only make Ash act like an even bigger asshole. He would let Clay handle this for now, and he would be finding out from Clay what was said.

"What are you doing here?" Clay asked.

"I landed in JFK to fifty voicemails about how I have a sick daughter. What are you doing here?"

"I was called and pulled out when they couldn't get a hold of you. She's in surgery now for her heart transplant. Doctors weren't sure she would make it long enough, but she fought, she's a little fighter. I'm sure the nurse can go and let Dr. Richards know you're here. You'll need to talk to him."

"If he needs me he'll find me. You been here the whole time?"

"Ya, where else would I be?"

"Anywhere but standing around here waiting for some worthless brat to finally kick it."

"She's not worthless, she's a fighter and your daughter, my half-sister. Of course I'm here and rooting for her. If you didn't care, then why show up?"

"I can't have people thinking I have a daughter who is sick and I wasn't here. Besides, I need confirmation that she is going to leave after this surgery. She's not worth anything to me dead." Ash said, as he looked around to make sure they were alone.

"What are you talking about?" Clay asked, feeling himself getting pissed off.

"Same missionary I sold you to is always looking for American babies, she's a girl so she'll net me half a million. They'll be able to sell her for close to a million if she keeps her blonde hair and blue eyes."

"You're, you're unbelievable. You know what happened to me over there and you would turn around and do it again?"

Clay couldn't believe this, he just couldn't. To begin with he had always suspected that Ash had sold him to someone in Africa, but he never had confirmation, now he did. But that Ash would do it all over again, knowing what could happen to her when she was a little bit older. There was no telling the trauma she would experience over there and Ash was acting like he was being inconvenienced.

"What happened to you was your own fault, it had nothing to do with me. I already met with DCFS and squared things away with them so they won't be a problem. Now I just need the brat to live."

"I'll take her." Clay said, before he even had time to think it through. All he knew was he couldn't let her go to Africa. He couldn't let her experience what he had.

"Oh you'll take her? You have half million dollars laying around?"

"Seriously? You're going to charge me to raise her?" Clay asked, shocked, though at this point he didn't know why he would be.

"Why would I lose that much money just to give her to you for free? If you want her, then you have to pay what they are going to pay me for her. I'll let you pay it in installments even. A thousand dollars every month and you get to keep her. Once the five hundred thousand is paid off I will sign over my rights and custody of her to you. But know, that until you have legal custody of her, you can't claim her on your insurance for any medical expenses. So all of this will have to come out of your own pocket. Is she really worth the money? Think about it, she's only going to be making you lose money, she's a bad investment."

"Children aren't the stock market, they are human beings. You can't honestly think it's ok to just treat your own children this way."

"Clay, children do nothing for you. They are a weakness, love is a weakness. I thought you were smarter than that, but apparently not. Yes or no to taking the brat?" Ash said, completely done with this conversation. He didn't want to spend any more time then he had to here.

Clay had no idea how he was even going to figure any of this out. He didn't exactly have the type of job that paid well. He could survive each month and put some into savings, but he didn't have anything that would cover medical bills like this. The problem was, saying no meant she would be given over to people who wouldn't care if she received the proper medical treatment. They wouldn't care who bought her and what would happen to her. He couldn't do that to her. Not after she had fought so hard for these past couple of days.

"Fine, but you stay out of her life. You're no one to her." Clay answered.

"Fine by me. I expect the first payment in two weeks at the end of the month. Every month on the thirtieth I expect my money, you pay it late or miss a single one and I'll have you arrested for kidnapping. Do I make myself clear?" Ash said, with an edge to his voice.

"Ya."

Ash didn't say anything else, he just simply turned and walked away. Clay let out a sigh, he had no idea what he was going to do now, but he would have to figure it out. He made his way back towards Adam and sat down.

"I see that went well." Adam commented.

"He didn't even come here to see her, just felt obligated to protect his reputation. He already met with the social worker and cleared that up. Apparently he was out of the country and that is why he didn't get any of the calls."

"You don't believe him." Adam stated.

"Of course I don't. His phone always works no matter what country he's in. He wanted her to die, but now that she might actually live he's already got a missionary in Africa, the same one he sold me to, looking to pay half a million for her." Clay said disgusted.

"Are you fucking kidding me? She can't be in Africa, she needs to stay here with her doctors, with modern medicine." Adam said, pissed off now.

"I told him I would take her. I can't let him sell her to the same people he sold me to. I can't do that to her." Clay said with a deep pain to his voice.

"What do you mean he sold you?" Adam asked, with an eerily calm voice.

"I always suspected it, he just confirmed it. My so-called grandparents were never the ones that were supposed to meet me at the airport. I don't know who was or why they didn't show, but he sold me to a missionary over there. I can't let that happen to her, I won't."

"Fucking asshole." Adam said, he closed his eyes and tried to take a few calming breaths. He was beyond pissed off at Ash. He knew that Adam and Vic would have taken Clay in, they would have figured it out. Instead he handed him over to the highest bidder without any thought or regard for his own safety.

"We won't let it happen to her. We can figure this out together. We'll take it one day at a time." Adam promised.

"I know. I really appreciate you being here for me and her the past couple of days." Clay said sincerely.

"We're family kiddo, it's what you do. I'll always be there for you and for her." Adam promised with a warm smile.

Clay gave one back in return before he sat back in the chair. He had a whole shit load of things he needed to figure out, but right now he needed to keep good thoughts and just pray his little sister would come out of surgery alive and with a new strength to keep fighting.

XXX

It was a good nine hours later when Adam and Clay were finally allowed back into the NICU to see Baby Spenser. She had pulled through the surgery without any complications. They couldn't see her when she was in recovery but now that she was back into her incubator they were allowed to see her. Dr. Richards had gone into detail about the surgery and what the recovery process would look like for her, but he was optimistic that with her heart working properly now her body would start to make a turn for the better. Within the next two weeks her body will be done going through the withdrawals and then she would truly have turned a corner. He had said it was ok for them to be optimistic and hopeful.

Clay and Adam walked back over to her incubator and Clay couldn't help the smile at seeing her. She was still hooked up to lots of wires and tubes, including the ventilator again, but she did look better. She wasn't as pale as she had been and her heartbeat was a lot stronger. Clay felt some of that weight being lifted off his chest at just getting his eyes on her. Clay looked down at the name tag on the incubator and he pulled the little card out that said Baby Spenser. Clay pulled out a pen he had with him and turned the card over to the blank side. He filled it out and then placed it back into its place. Adam couldn't help but smile.

"It's beautiful."

"I think so. It means warrior, I couldn't think of a more suiting name for her."

"It's a perfect name." Adam said warmly, as he placed a hand on Clay's shoulders.

They both knew they had a long road to go, but they were going to get there together. The journey was only just beginning, but Clay knew in his heart it was the right journey for him and he wasn't going to regret it.

Alexis Rose Spenser

Born: September 12, 2017

Weight: 1LB 14 Ounces

Height: 12 Inches


	3. Chapter 3

**Two Months Ago…**

Adam made his way into the NICU that morning with coffee and a breakfast sandwich for Clay. It had been a long month, but things were moving in the right direction. Clay had reached out to the Linguistics Unit to work for them from home while he was tending to Lexi. Something the Linguistics Unit's Commanding Officer was very happy about. Clay knowing ten languages was perfect to them and would allow them to utilize Clay fully, saving them the headache of having to go through multiple translators for different documents. Clay had also left a couple of times for a couple of hours while he got everything set up. He was able to find an apartment at a decent price for them both. He would be taking Adam's truck this morning to move a few things into it so it would be ready for Lexi.

Adam was very proud of Clay. He had been here with Lexi all day and night long taking care of her. He was the one that suggested he work for the Linguistics Unit for now until she was older and healthier before he would consider going back to DEVGRU. Adam didn't want Clay giving up on his dream, but he could also understand that Clay needed to have money coming in to support himself and Lexi. Clay had a secured laptop with him at all times so he could work while Lexi was sleeping. Adam was very impressed and proud of him. He knew how hard it was to take care of a small child, much less a sick infant. Yet Clay never complained. He did what was advised by the doctors and nurses. He was attentive to her, he learnt everything he needed to about changing diapers and feeding her. Clay did everything he could for her and he never once bitched about the lack of sleep or that she wasn't his responsibility. Clay loved her and he was happy to be raising her.

Lexi was doing amazing herself. After a week she was able to have the ventilator removed and she was breathing on her own. Her heart rate had drastically improved with her new heart and with that complication resolved she was able to fight through the remainder of the withdrawals. She was a little warrior and she refused to give up. Adam could still remember how beautiful her eyes were that first time she opened them. They were not traditional eyes, her left eye was a gorgeous deep blue. Her right eye though was half blue and half light brown. Dr. Richards had informed them that she had sectoral heterochromia, giving her two different colored eyes. It was a rare gene that she inherited, most likely from her mother. It made her unique and it gave her a set of eyes that you just fell in love with.

Adam looked down at Lexi and saw that she was asleep once again. She had been sleeping a lot, but that wasn't uncommon according to Dr. Richards. He did warn with her anti-rejection meds though that she could experience different side effects, one of them being night terrors for children. Adam was really hoping she continued to sleep well, that would ease some of the stress off from Clay. They would have to wait and see though as she got stronger and the medication started to truly kick in. She was gaining weight, at a month old as of yesterday, she was up to almost five pounds. It seemed so little, but to them they were just happy she was gaining weight. She no longer needed the feeding tube and was taking a bottle. Something Clay had to learn how to do and burp her. Adam was more than happy to teach Clay a few tricks that he had learnt from Hannah.

Adam looked over at Clay and saw him passed out in the chair. He had the laptop sitting in his lap still and the headset still on his head. He had clearly fallen asleep while working. Adam went over and gently closed the laptop, doing his best to not wake Clay up. The second he touched it though, Clay woke up. Clay was a very light sleeper and the second anyone touched him, he was awake. He had to have a very deep level of trust with someone to not wake up at every sound. If he truly and deeply trusted you, he could allow his body to sleep deeply. Adam and him were still building that trust.

Clay looked at Adam before he rubbed his face to try and wake up. He was working late last night to get some of the work done, but he must have fallen asleep listening to the recording. Clay closed the laptop as he spoke.

"Hey, what time is it?"

"Just after nine. I brought you some breakfast." Adam said, as he handed Clay the bag and coffee.

"Thanks. You know you don't have to come by every day." Clay said, as he sat up and took the offered food.

"And not see you both every morning, not gonna happen. Besides, you have some things you gotta take care of and I'm off today. Best time for you to get to it." Adam said, as he sat down.

"Are you sure you can stay with her? I don't want to hold you up or anything." Clay said, not wanting to put Adam out.

"I got nothing but this today. Don't worry so much kiddo. You focus on what you gotta get done today. I got her."

"I'll head out in a few minutes then." Clay said, as he got his work all put away and started to eat his food.

Working and taking care of Lexi was a serious balancing act, one Clay wasn't certain he was getting right. Still, it was worth all of the hours if he could keep her away from the life Ash had planned for her.

"Whenever you're ready, truck is downstairs." Adam said, as he handed over his keys.

Clay gave a nod, he was happy that Adam did have a truck that he was able to borrow. He had no idea how he was going to get his things from storage over to the new apartment without it. He also had a bunch of things in storage that he was going to take to a second hand store to sell. He needed money for hospital bills that were due for minimum payment.

"I still can't believe you sold your car. That thing was a work of art." Adam said,

"Doesn't work for a car seat."

Clay hated that he had to sell his car, but it wouldn't work for a car seat for her to be safe in. Plus he needed the money for first and last month's rent, plus he had to pay his first payment to Ash. He also had to pay for Lexi's medication that she needed for when they were discharged in a couple of days. The money he got for his car went towards buying a reliable used car and bills. He was left with very little, hence why he needed to sell what he could so he could get a few things for Lexi, like a bed, diapers and formula. He also needed to get some food for himself. It was going to be tight for a very long time, but Clay was determined to make it work. Anything was better than the alternative for her.

"Still a damn shame. How's work?"

"It's good. It's easy work, just time consuming."

Clay had always found translations easy, but he did know it took time to go over it over and over again, especially recordings. It wasn't too bad if the recordings were clear and the person speaking spoke clearly, but that often wasn't the case. The recroding's quality was terrible resulting in Clay having to listen to it roughly ten times before he was able to get it all translated. Not a big deal if it was only a five minute recording, but what he was listening to were eight or nine hour long recordings. It was a long and tedious process and Clay had a long cue of translations he had to get done, all by a certain date. It was a lot, but it was something that Clay could do at home while he was taking care of Lexi.

"That's good that it's easy. I know it's not what you want to be doing, but it's something you can do until we can sort out the rest." Adam said. He had seen how hard Clay was working, and taking care of Lexi. He could also see that he wasn't truly happy. His mind needed the challenge of being in the field and getting different operations. They were puzzles to him, something that forced him to think differently and it was the part that Clay loved the most.

Clay picked up his coffee as he spoke. "Alright, I'm gonna head out and get things taken care of. I don't want to be away from her for long."

"Go do what you gotta do. I got her and I'll text if something comes up."

Clay gave a nod as he stood up. He went over to the incubator and looked down at Lexi. He wished he could pick her up right now, but she was sleeping and she needed all of the sleep that she could get. With one final look Clay headed out of the hospital and down to Adam's truck. He had a lot he needed to get done and he only had a short amount of time to do it. He had a shitload of work to get done, he couldn't afford to be wasting much time.

XXX

Clay arrived at the apartment building for his new apartment. He parked the truck in the first spot he could find at the front of the building so he could get everything unloaded. There was an elevator at least, but he was still going to have to unload the truck and carry up the couch on his own, something he wasn't looking forward to. Clay figured he would unload the smaller stuff first and then worry about the couch. Clay was able to get food, diapers and formula for Lexi. He was also able to pick up some clothes from a secondhand spot. The one thing he had wanted to get, he had hoped to get, was a crib for her. Unfortunately they were too expensive so he had to settle for a Pack N Play at the secondhand store. It was basically a play pen, but it would work for now. He was able to get a used crib mattress that he could put into it so it would be softer on her body then just the bottom of the play pen. It wasn't ideal, but it would work for now.

"Hey, Spenser right?"

Clay turned to see who was calling to him. He saw a man in his mid-thirties with a beard walking his way. Clay had no idea who he was, but he figured he must be a one of the team guys for him to know his name. Clay was really hoping he wasn't looking to start something, he wasn't in the mood and he really didn't want to have any problems with someone in the building.

"Ya." Clay simply said.

"Hey, I'm Derek, Alpha Two. How are ya?" Derek said, warmly as he walked up to Clay.

"Good, just moving in. Do you live here?"

"Apartment 311. What apartment are you in?"

"312, I guess we're neighbors."

"Awesome man. Let me give you a hand." Derek offered.

"That's ok, I can manage. I don't want to impose."

Clay knew he really needed to get better at accepting help, but after the life he lived, it wasn't that easy. Help always came with a price and often the price was way too high.

"You're not, I offered. I'm heading in anyways, might as well take something with me for the ride. Is the couch the only big piece you have?" Derek asked.

He didn't really know Clay, he had heard about him from the other teams. Being Alpha Two meant he got to know more about the other teams then the other members within his team. Him and Full Metal were always talking about Green Team and potential Alpha members. Derek knew that every team, but Bravo, wanted Clay. They had even gone to the length of trying to bride Beau to pass on Spencer so they could get him. Clay was a legacy, but with the name Ash Spenser connected to him, that made him unappealing. The only thing that could make a group of Tier One Seals cum in their pants at hearing the name Spenser, was if the kid was unbelievably good. And from what Dereh had heard, everyone was cumming in their pants at the idea of getting him on their team. When word broke out last month that Clay was pulled out of SERE training with only a few hours left, everyone was devastated. Bravo had even passed on picking up a new member this round. No one knew the reason behind Clay being pulled though and it was one Derek was very interested in, because Clay didn't come across as someone that would just willingly walk away after everything he had been through.

"Ya, but really, you don't have to help I'll manage."

"You really gotta get better at this help thing. Come on, let's get this in your new place." Derek said, as he lowered the truck bed door.

Clay could tell Derek wasn't going to let this go and he was not about to stand his ground just to drag up a couch on his own. Clay and Derek picked up the couch and made their way to the building as Derek spoke.

"Is that Adam's truck?"

"Ya, he's letting me borrow it."

"How is he? I haven't seen him around this past month."

Adam was always on base, even when they didn't have an active Green Team. He was still at base doing paperwork, getting ready for the next round of candidates and helping out within Alpha's command when he was free. This past month though, he was basically there to get some paperwork done and that was it, and no one really knew where he was.

"He's good. He's been with me for most of it." Clay said, he didn't really want to get too into it, but Derek was going to be living across the hall from him, so it wasn't like he wasn't going to find out.

"And are you ok? We all heard Harrington pulled you out for something, but no one knows what."

Derek didn't want to pry, but at the same time it was unheard of for a cadet to get pulled. Especially when there was such a short amount of time remaining and they were at the top of the class. Clay didn't really say anything to that, as they made their way down the hallway with his couch into his new apartment. He was debating on how much he should be telling Derek. He didn't know him, it wasn't like they were already friends or companions when this started. At the same time, he was going to very quickly discover that he had a baby living here. They put the couch down and Clay let out a sigh before he spoke.

"Ash got a woman pregnant." Clay started.

"Your father?" Derek asked, looking to make sure as it was weird for Clay to refer to his father by his first name.

"Biologically. She was brought in by paramedics, she had overdosed on heroin. She was already dead by the time they got there, but the medics gave her CPR to try and keep the baby alive. She was thirty-three weeks along. An emergency c-section was performed in the ER and Alexis Rose was born. She was one pound and fourteen ounces."

"Holy shit. Addicted?" Derek asked. He was a medic and like Trent, he worked his ass off to make sure he knew everything he could about medicine and field treatment. A baby that small, with a mother that had a heroin addiction, there was only a very slim chance that she wasn't born addicted.

"Pretty heavily. She also was in heart failure. The doc didn't think she would make it twenty-four hours. They ran her DNA and it matched to Ash and myself from the military. They couldn't get ahold of Ash so they reached out to the base for me. Harrington got the call and he made the decision to pull me."

"With being addicted and in heart failure, she would have been lucky to make it twenty-four hours. I know it sucked, but Harrington made the right call to pull you. I'm so sorry man. I know she would have been your half-sister, but it still sucks to lose a baby." Derek said with sympathy to his voice.

"She's still alive." Clay said warmly, as he sat down on the arm of the couch.

"What? With her condition her odds would have been." Derek said, but Clay finished for him.

"Less than five percent. The Doc told me I had to make a decision on if I should keep her on course for treatment or to stop and let her go. I didn't know what to do, I ended up calling Adam. Figured he could tell me what a good father would do in that situation. He came by, the Doc said her body was shutting down, she was on pain meds so she wouldn't be feeling it, but she was in a lot of pain. We agreed to let her go. I got to hold her against my chest and we were prepared for her to be gone within the hour. Seventy-five minutes later and her stats were coming up."

"The Joey Miracle." Derek said, amazed.

"That's what the nurse called it. She was fighting and I was going to fight right alongside her. The Doc was able to get her to the top of the transplant list and two days later she had a heart. We were still unsure if she would survive the surgery, but she did. Now she is coming home in two days." Clay said, proudly.

"Holy shit, fuck man that is amazing." Derek said, warmly.

It truly was amazing. Everything was against her and she still fought to live. She was a little warrior and Derek could hear the love and pride in Clay's voice.

"Remember that, when she is crying all night." Clay said with a small smirk.

Derek gave a chuckle to that. He was good with kids, he loved them and was hoping one day he would have his own.

"It's all good man. I can sleep through anything, same as Trish, my girl. I'm a medic though, so don't hesitate to ask me anything. Especially with having a heart transplant and she'll be still going through withdrawals up to six months. I'd be happy to check her over whenever you need." Derek offered.

"Thanks, I appreciate it. Seriously though, I really am sorry about any noise."

"Don't worry about it, seriously man. What about Ash, is he involved?"

Derek wasn't sure what the relationship was like between them. The fact that Clay calls him by his first name and not dad was a clear sign that they were on a rocky ground. Still, Lexi was his daughter and a lot of time has passed since Clay was born. He could be a different man now.

"No, he wants nothing to do with her. He hasn't even seen her. And that is really for the best. He's never had an interest in being a father, she doesn't need someone like him in her life."

That was something Clay was going to make damn sure of. He wasn't going to let what happened to him happen to Lexi.

"You gotta do what you think is best for her. If he's a shit father then she doesn't need that in her life. What happens now with the teams though? Are you still able to be in DEVGRU?"

It was a really weird situation because Clay didn't tap out. He would have made it to the end, but he was pulled. There really wasn't a precedent for a situation like this. At the same time, even if he could still be in DEVGRU, he now had a very sick infant to take care of and raise. He was a single guy from what Derek could tell, so he didn't have anyone in his life to watch Lexi while he was gone. Derek could understand if Clay wasn't going to be going into DEVGRU anymore, but it was a tragedy if he didn't. He was too talented to not pursue his dream career. They needed someone like Clay.

"Harrington said I could still be in DEVGRU, that he would handle it. I'm working for the Logistics Unit right now doing translations. I don't know about being back in DEVGRU. It's complicated right now and not something that I have to figure out just yet."

"I get that. Things get complicated when there is a small baby to consider. I'm happy to talk it out whenever you want." Derek offered.

"Appreciate it. I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I gotta finish bringing up the things from the truck and then head back to the hospital." Clay said, as he stood up.

"Ya man, of course. I'll give you a hand, get you out of here faster." Derek said, hoping Clay would accept the help.

Clay gave a nod, understanding that if Derek helped it would go faster. They both headed down and made quick work of bringing the few things that Clay had back up. Once Clay had the food put away he made his way back down to the truck to get back to the hospital. In a couple of days, he was going to have Lexi home where she belonged.

XXX

Clay parked in his spot at the apartment two days later. He looked into the rearview mirror to see Lexi asleep in her car seat. He still couldn't believe he was bringing her home. That the doctor and nurses let him leave with her. Over the past month they had been teaching him everything he needed to know so he could take care of her. From feeding, to burping, to changing her diaper, even giving her a bath. They taught him everything and answered any of his questions. Clay still couldn't believe he was doing this. It still didn't feel real to him and he wasn't confident that it ever would. Still, here she was in his car about to go into their new apartment.

"You can do this. You survived all that shit growing up. You survived Green Team and SERE training. You can handle a small baby." Clay said to himself before he got out of his car.

He picked up the car seat, not wanting to take Lexi out of it and wake her up. She needed her sleep as she wasn't sleeping too great in the past couple of days. The withdrawals would take up to six months before they were fully out of her system and her brain had the chance to recover from the trauma of it. It all came down to it was going to be a long six months, but afterwards Clay was hoping it would get easier with her body being recovered fully.

Clay headed up the elevator and down the hallway to his apartment. He walked in and placed Lexi down on the floor where she would be safe. He still had the items all over the living room he needed to put away and deal with. He also had to get Lexi's bed all set up for her. He had just finished getting her bed ready when he heard her start to cry. Clay immediately went back out into the living room and picked her up, speaking as he did.

"It's ok Lexi. I got you."

Clay placed her against his chest and rubbed his hand up and down her back.

"We're home now. You did it, you proved everyone wrong. You're my little warrior and you are going to have an amazing life. I promise you. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you."

Clay knew it was going to be hard, but he didn't care. He was going to give her the best possible life he could, no matter what.

"Welcome home Lexi."

**One Month Ago…**

Adam made his way to Clay's apartment. He hadn't been able to see Clay for the past few days because of work. He felt bad about not being there for the majority of the week, but with work piling up he had to go in and get some of the things done. Adam knew the past month had been hard on Clay. Lexi was still going strong in the withdrawals, and they potentially had four more months of this. On top of that, her anti-rejection meds were making her feel pretty terrible to go with it. The end result was Clay not sleeping, because when Lexi was sleeping he had to work. Everything was a mess right now and he was really hoping Clay would let him have Lexi for a few hours so he could get some sleep. So far Clay was pretty hands off when it came to other people. He didn't like people being with Lexi out of his sight. Adam couldn't blame him, she had been through hell and Lexi only seemed to like to have Clay. That was a problem though, because Lexi needed to get used to having other people holding her. Clay couldn't do it all on his own, he needed help. Lexi needed to get used to being held and taken care of by other people. It was something a lot of babies had to get used to. They often clung to their mother due to the bond they share. Clay was that single person that Lexi bonded with and as a result she didn't want to be away from him.

Adam made his way down the hallway and he could already hear Lexi's powerful scream. He saw Derek coming out of his apartment and was about to knock on Clay's when he saw Adam.

"Sorry." Adam immediately said.

He could understand why Clay's neighbors would be annoyed. They were all military and needed sleep, the last thing they needed was hearing a baby screaming all day and night.

"I don't care about the crying, none of us do. We're all impressed that the kid has taken her on. He didn't have to, that means a lot to us all and shows what kind of man he is. I was going to see if he would let me help. He hasn't yet." Derek said.

"I know, he's a little protective of her, can't blame him. I'm going to have a chat with him and see if he'll let me help. She needs to get used to other people in her life if he is ever going to go back to DEVGRU."

"Can he?"

Derek was very interested in Clay going back to DEVGRU. Not only had he worked his ass off to get there and it was his dream, but Clay had serious skills that they all needed. He was too good to never get the chance to make real changes to this world. Everyone on Alpha was aware of what Clay was going through. Derek didn't see the need in keeping it from his teammates, but they made sure it didn't leave them. They all said they would love to have Clay on the team, they just needed to figure out how to get Clay back into action.

"Talked to Harrington today, said it would take some paperwork, but Clay has been cleared by the Upper Brass to go back into DEVGRU next month. It's just a matter if Clay wants to. I'll talk to him about it tonight after getting him to sleep."

Adam knew it would be a logistics nightmare with Clay being a single father to such a young child, but they could figure it out. If this was what Clay truly wanted, they could figure it out.

"Let me know if you need any help on either front."

"I appreciate it. I better get in there, that kid needs sleep. They both do."

Derek gave a knowing nod before he headed back into his apartment. Adam used his key and walked into Clay's apartment, not surprised to find him standing there walking back and forth with Lexi in his arms as she cried. Clay looked over at Adam, and he could see how exhausted he was. He had black bags under his eyes that made it look like he had two black eyes.

"She hates me." Clay said, with pure exhaustion to his voice, but also an emotional edge. He was so exhausted his own emotions were all over the place.

"She doesn't hate you kiddo." Adam said, gently.

"Nothing I do works. All she does is cry, I don't know what I'm doing wrong." Clay said, sounding frustrated and overwhelmed.

"Nothing, you are not doing anything wrong kiddo. It's the withdrawals, her nervous system is so screwed up right now she feels terrible. The only way she can communicate that is by crying. She loves you, she's just sick and miserable. Here let me take her."

Clay reluctantly handed her over to Adam. Within a second she stopped crying and Clay threw his hands up in the air as he collapsed down onto the couch.

"See, she hates me."

"She doesn't hate you kid. You cannot take this personally."

Adam was really worried about Clay's mental health. He wasn't getting enough sleep, so he was sleep deprived, plus he was working full time. He was stressed about money, about Lexi's health and he wasn't sleeping. He was close to breaking and Adam was trying to prevent that.

"I feel like I'm failing her. I can't make her better and now it's like I can't even comfort her anymore."

Adam went and sat down on the couch next to Clay, but the second he did Lexi started to cry again so he stood back up.

"Listen to me kiddo, you are not failing her. You are bending over backwards to help her. You have given up your carefree lifestyle, you lost your girlfriend, your dream is put on hold, you have almost no money. Hell, you don't even have a bed, you're sleeping on the floor just so she has her medications. You are doing everything in your power for her, when you aren't obligated to. And you do comfort her, she loves you and she knows you love her. It's just the withdrawals, that's all."

"It doesn't feel that way." Clay said, with pure honesty to his voice.

"I know kiddo, but you are feeling what every parent would be right now. We can't make her better, only time will do that. All we can do is be there for her and try and offer whatever comfort we can. You are just exhausted. You need to accept help Clay. You need to eat something, shower and then sleep for a good solid eight hours. Not waking up every hour, or working until four in the morning. You need straight sleep to help your mind recharge."

"Ya, that's not happening."

Clay would have loved to sleep for eight hours. He knew he was dangerously exhausted, but there was nothing he could do about that. He just had to push through, like he had done growing up.

"It is happening, it's happening right now. I'm going to take Lexi." Adam started, but Clay cut him off.

"Take her, you can't take her. Take her where?"

"Home with me for the night so you can sleep." Adam finished, he expected that Clay would panic and be against it, but he needed to get Clay to understand that he wasn't alone in this.

"She sleeps here, this is her home. It's not much of one, but it's her home. She needs her medication at a certain hour. She has to be fed so many hours apart." Clay started and Adam could hear the panic in his voice.

That was part of the issue, Lexi needed to be on a pretty tight schedule right now for her feeding times and medications. They had to help her grow and that meant she couldn't skip a meal and she could never miss her medications. It was only adding more stress and anxiety onto Clay's shoulders.

"I know. I've been here looking after her before to give you a couple of hours of sleep. But I know you were still waking up when she cried. I know what she needs kiddo and what you need is solid sleep. Sleep where you are not waking up to every cry. Let me take her home with me tonight, Vic and Hannah have been dying to see her. I will take care of her tonight, so you can take care of yourself. You are not going to be any good to her if you are in the hospital with sleep deprivation. And it's good for the both of you, you both need to get used to other people being around her. I promise you, I will call if anything happens. You can trust me."

"I know I can trust you, I just don't like her out of my sight for very long."

"I know you don't, but I need you to trust me on this one. You both need the break. She'll be ok I promise. And I will be back tomorrow before lunch with her." Adam promised.

Clay let out a sigh. He didn't want to let Adam take her. She was sick and miserable with the withdrawals. Clay knew what it was like to not be feeling well and not have a parent around, he didn't want her feeling like he was abandoning her. At the same time though, he understood where Adam was coming from. He did need real sleep and she needed to get used to other people because eventually he had to go back to work and she would need to be left with a babysitter. A fact that Clay didn't even want to think about right now.

"Ok. I don't like it, but ok."

Adam gave Clay a warm smile. "I promise you, I will call if anything happens."

"I know, and I know you've done the whole baby thing already. She's just so sick still." Clay said, feeling anxious about this whole situation.

"I know kiddo, but she is going to be ok. You need to sleep and take care of yourself or she will lose you. The first time is always the hardest, but it will get easier. And you need to get used to it if you are going to go back to DEVGRU. It'll be ok Clay, I promise."

Clay gave a nod and then stood up so he could male sure Adam had what he needed for her. Adam went and grabbed the old diaper bag that Clay was able to find at a secondhand store. It was falling apart, but it still worked well enough. Adam and Clay grabbed what Lexi would need for the night. Adam was doing his best to ignore the fact that Lexi only had a few outfits for her. It was all Clay could afford and so far, he wasn't willing to take any money from him to help. It was starting to really drive Adam crazy, because they were family he wanted to help Clay out. Clay was so used to doing everything on his own, that he didn't know how to accept help. The concept of having help was foreign to him and Adam knew Clay was still confused as to why he was coming around. It was something Adam was working on with him, but a lifetime of being on your own was not something that was easily overcome.

Once Adam had everything he needed for Lexi he picked up the diaper bag and he grabbed Clay's work laptop as well.

"What are you doing with my work?" Clay asked.

"I'm stopping you from doing it. It'll be secured with me. You need to eat something, shower and then sleep. There's no time for work. You need to recharge. Eat, shower and then sleep. I will see you tomorrow morning kiddo." Adam said with a warm smile.

Clay gave Lexi a kiss goodbye as Adam headed out. He let out a shaky breath as he stood all alone in a quiet apartment. He thought he would enjoy the quiet, but now the quiet had a whole new meaning. It wasn't quiet because Lexi was sleeping, it was quiet because he was all alone. Clay would be lying if he said he didn't have moments here and there where he wished he was just a single guy with no responsibilities. He thought about giving her up, letting a couple adopt her and give her a good life. Clay thought he could do that, move on and this was just a blimp in his life. Standing here though in this too quiet apartment all alone, Clay felt a deep weight in the pit of his stomach. He had never felt more alone then he did in this moment. Clay couldn't help but wonder if this was what Adam meant by him needing to be alone. Regardless of how tired he was or how stressed he was, he loved Lexi and not having her in his life wasn't an option. That was his little girl and he didn't care what happened to him as long as she was happy and loved.

Clay headed over to his kitchen and grabbed some leftovers that Adam had brought over to him a few days ago. After warming them up he was going to take a shower before getting some sleep. He only had a military bed roll for a bed right now, but it was good enough for him. Most of the time he slept on the couch anyways. He needed real sleep so he could take better care of Lexi.

XXX

Adam made his way into Clay's apartment the next day just before lunch time. He was exhausted after having Lexi for one single night. Him and Vic had taken turns with her and still Adam was exhausted. He had no idea how Clay was able to do this on his own. He knew Clay was younger, but still it was a lot. If two parents were struggling after one night, he couldn't imagine just how exhausted Clay was to be doing it on his own and working. It was a lot and he would need to be there for him more to help him, whether he liked it or not. Adam walked in and Clay still completely passed out on the couch. Adam went and placed Lexi's car seat down on the ground, she was still sound asleep in it. He then went into the kitchen to put on some coffee. Vic had cooked up a storm for him, so he put the ready made dinners into the fridge and the chocolate chip cookies on the counter that she had baked. They were both worried about Clay not eating properly and losing weight. They could both see a slight difference already.

Clay groaned and Adam turned to see him waking up. Clay had slowly been getting used to him being around him and touching him. At first Clay really didn't like being hugged or touched by him. Adam was worried about what that meant deep down for Clay, a thought he couldn't tolerate thinking about. He was glad to see that he was building that deep trust with Clay and he could relax and let his guard down more with him. Clay looked over at Adam and then turned to look around for Lexi. He saw her sleeping in her car seat and he slowly sat up.

"Hey kiddo. You look a lot better, how are you feeling?" Adam said, warmly.

"Good. How was she?"

"She was up most of the night. She's been asleep for about an hour now. Me and Vic took turns with her. Clay man, you need to let us help you more. We're experienced parents and took turns sleeping and we're exhausted. You can't keep doing this on your own all the time. You are going to end up in the hospital or very sick because of not sleeping enough."

"It did feel good to sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time." Clay reluctantly admitted.

It was hard at first to be alone without Lexi, but after eating he did start to get used to it. He was able to take a shower and get some sleep without feeling guilty. Guilty that he should be doing the dishes, or getting her dirty clothes cleaned or working. He was able to get showered, make sure her bottles and clothes were clea before he got some sleep and had slept a good fourteen hours.

"See, now you are more awake, you'll be able to focus on your work better and you will be more refreshed to handle her." Adam said, as he handed Clay a cup of coffee.

Clay took it with a small smile as Adam sat down next to him.

"Did she get her medicine?"

"Oh ya, right on time. I told you not to worry. I do want to talk to you though about you going back to DEVGRU."

"What about it?"

Clay had no idea what Adam would want to talk about that. To him it seemed impossible for him to go back into the teams. Even if he could somehow figure out how to get back into the teams, he still had Lexi to consider. Where would she go when he was spun up or on tour? She was small and sick and she needed someone constant in her life. He also didn't want to be Ash, he didn't want to miss out on her firsts or for her to lose him. What would happen to her if he died? Ash would just sell her the second he could and there would be nothing he could do about it. Until he paid Ash the five hundred thousand he didn't have legal custody of her, so he couldn't leave her in his will. It made everything more complicated and Clay wasn't sure what to do about any of it. He also knew though, he was going to need to figure out a second job if he was ever going to be able to get out of the mountain of debt he was buried under. He would need something that would work with his current position in the Linguistics Unit, but what he had no idea.

"I don't think you should be giving up your dream on being in DEVGRU. I spoke with Captain Harrington and he is still supporting having you on a team. He knows you have another month still of leave before you can start to come back, but he would like to place you within a team when you do come back."

"It's not that simple though and you know it. I don't have a wife or girlfriend to leave her with. She has no mother and there is no one she has on her mother's side. I'm all she has." Clay instantly said.

"You're not all she has, she has me and Vic and Hannah in her life. We love her too and we can be there for you to help with her. You also have Derek and Trish, they love her and have told me they wished you would let them help more with her. You are not an army of one kiddo, you got a whole brotherhood behind you. I am telling you, if you want to do this, we can make it work." Adam said with strength to his voice.

"I just don't see how. It's not like I would get spun up during the day. The call comes in whenever. I'm just supposed to what? Get up at three in the morning and leave her alone? And what about tour? I'm gone for three months, where would she even go? What if something happened and she was sick and I can't get there? What if I get killed? There's too many variables that can't be accounted for." Clay said in a rushed voice.

Adam reached over and placed his hand on Clay's knee as he spoke. "Take a breath kiddo, getting worked up over what ifs is never a good idea." Adam paused for a moment to allow Clay to take a couple of breaths before he started again. "Now, during the day she can be with Vic, she already offered. She doesn't work and she would love to spend time with her. Trish has also voiced her interest in watching her. She can be with one of them and we can spend the next month with Lexi getting to know them better. When you get the call in the middle of the night, you can call me and I'll come over. Trish and Derek also said they could watch her at night when a call comes in. They both know what the life is like, same as me and Vic. We did it with Hannah. When you go on tour she can stay with us and if she is sick and you need to be there, there is always a plane out of the base that you can take to come back. It happens a lot for parents that need to get back for their kid. It sounds like a lot, but it's not Clay."

"That's not fair to you guys. You all have your own lives, they shouldn't be interrupted because of my life."

"You're not interrupting our lives. We are offering to help you because you are family. We are blood and DEVGRU is a family. I've told you this already kiddo, it's not the same as it is with a normal Seal team. These guys don't play around, they are a family, every last one of them. You and Lexi are family to them now and they are all more than willing and happy to help you with her. Look kiddo, the only thing that matters is what you want to do. If you want to be in DEVGRU then we can figure it all out. We're in this together, the only one that seems to have a problem with that is you." Adam said, warmly.

"I'm just not used to people wanting to help." Clay said honestly.

"I know kiddo, but you have people now that care about you and want to be there for you. All you have to do is let us."

"I'm trying."

"I know you are, and I couldn't be prouder of you." Adam said, warmly.

Clay gave Adam a small warm smile back. He had no idea if he was going to be able to go back to DEVGRU or not. He did like knowing that he had some people in his life that were willing to help him figuring it all out. Adam had been such a huge supporter in his life since finding out about Lexi, he honestly didn't think he could do this without him. Clay didn't know what the future would hold, but he did know he would have Lexi and Adam in his life, and for Clay that was good enough.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s late where I am so I haven’t read through this. All mistakes are my own and I’ll go back and correct em after I’ve gotten some sleep.

The guys made their way towards Clay’s apartment. They had a case of beer and a couple of pizzas with them to celebrate Clay’s first mission with the team. They hadn’t called before coming over, they figured they would surprise him and give him the full experience of being on the team. It was not uncommon for the guys to just show up at the other’s place. Not too much on Ray’s side of things with him having two young children, but they have on the occasion done so. 

“This is going to suck if he’s not home.” Ray commented as Jason knocked on the door.

“He’s here. Saw his shitty car outside.” Sonny said.

After a moment when Clay didn’t answer, Jason knocked louder this time. 

“He’s probably got headphones on working.” Trent said.

After another moment Jason started to bang on the door and didn’t stop until he heard the locks being flipped. Clay opened the door and they could all tell he was annoyed, but also exhausted. He looked like he had been up all night and day. 

“What?” Clay snapped.

“Hello to you too Sunshine.” Jason said, as he pushed past Clay and headed inside. The guys all following behind him.

“You can’t be here.” Clay said, doing his best to keep his voice down without it seeming weird. 

“We brought pizza and beer, that says we can.” Sonny said, as he went and placed it down on the island counter in the kitchen.

“We’re celebrating your first operation on Bravo.” Ray said warmly.

“That’s really nice, but not necessary. You need to go.” Clay said.

“Why the hell would we leave? We got beer and pizza.” Sonny said with a loud voice that had Clay cringing.

“Keep your voice down.” Clay automatically said.

“Why, you got a headache?” Trent asked, concerned.

“No.” 

“Great let’s party!” Sonny yelled with a big smile on his face.

“Where’s all your stuff?” Ray asked, as he looked around and saw that the place was very bare.

“Stop yelling, Sonny please.” Clay said, starting to panic slightly.

“Why, do you got a girl here or something? Come on out girl!” Sonny yelled with a goofy smile.

What came next, none of the guys expected. Lexi began to cry. Clay closed his eyes and hung his head slightly.

“I just got her to sleep. You guys need to go.” Clay said, sounding just exhausted.

“You got a baby? Dude have you never heard of condoms?” Sonny said, not impressed at all.

“Sonny.” Jason started.

“What? It’s true.” Sonny argued back.

“Just leave, please.” Clay said, as he turned to head down to the bedroom.

“Holy shit, he’s got a kid?” Ray asked, shocked.

“It would explain his added expenses. He’s probably paying the medical bills from the mother’s pregnancy and delivery.” Trent said. 

“But come on, you get condoms for free at any clinic. They have em on base, everywhere.” Sonny said, not getting past that part.

“That’s not helping.” Jason said, with a pointed look at him.

Jason didn’t know what to think about any of this. He was slightly annoyed that Clay had a baby and was still in DEVGRU. It wasn't that you couldn’t have kids, but to have an infant and working two jobs, it was insane. Plus, where was the mother? He didn’t see anything that would resemble a woman’s touch in the apartment. Something was going on and Jason was going to get to the bottom of it.

Clay walked back out into the living room and was not impressed that the guys were all there. Lexi continued to scream her head off.

“Seriously please go. I just got her to sleep, I need to get her back to sleep so I can finally sleep.”

“She’s small, how old is she?” Trent asked, as he took her in.

“Three months.” Clay answered.

“How is someone who is supposed to be so smart, do something stupid like get a woman knocked up?” Sonny asked.

“Really?” Ray said, not impressed. Ray knew anything could happen. Clay didn’t need a safe sex lecture.

“She’s my half-sister. Ash got some eighteen year old knocked up, who did heroin throughout her pregnancy and oded at thirty-three weeks.” Clay said, as he walked around slowly trying to get Lexi to stop crying. 

“Damn, sorry kid.” Sonny said, feeling like shit for what he said.

“That’s why she’s so small.” Ray said.

Clay stumbled slightly, but was able to catch himself with the wall.

“Ok, give me her.” Jason said. This was insane. Clay was beyond exhausted, he was working two full-time jobs and taking care of a sick baby all on his own. It was no wonder he was so exhausted.

“No.” Clay simply said.

“I have two kids, Sunshine. I’m not going to hurt her, but I am worried you are going to fall over with her. Let me take her so you can sit down.” Jason said, gently.

Clay looked down at Lexi, who was screaming her head off, and gave a slight nod. Jason gently took her and placed her against his chest as he started to lightly bounce up and down to try and calm her. This always worked with his kids. Clay sat down on the arm of the couch, but kept his eyes on Jason.

“When was the last time you slept Clay?” Trent asked.

“I slept four hours on the plane.” 

“How many hours of sleep have you gotten all week including those four hours?” Trent asked, next.

“Eight.”

“You need more sleep than that in the week kid.” Ray said.

“I’m used to it. I didn’t really sleep when I was a kid.” Clay said with a small shrug.

“What’s her name?” Jason asked.

“Alexis Rose, we call her Lexi.” Clay answered, as he fought to keep his eyes open.

“We?” Sonny asked.

“Adam, Vic, Derek and Trish help me with her.”

Jason made a mental note to speak with them about what Clay has been like. 

“Clay, can you tell me more about Lexi when she was born?” Trent asked.

He was worried about Lexi being born prematurely and her mother being addicted to heroin. There were many complications that could come from that.

“She was sick, born addicted to heroin with high levels, she’s still going through withdrawals from it. And she was in heart failure, she got a new heart two days later and spent six weeks in the NICU before I could take her home.”

“Damn.” Sonny said, that was a lot for a little baby to deal with.

“Ok, turn the lights off, Jase stop bouncing, do a slow sway instead and everyone whisper.” Trent said, as he pulled out his cell phone and started to play some soft soothing music.

Brock turned the lights off while Jason slowly swayed instead.

“Why?” Ray whispered.

Trent answered as the music started to play softly. “When adults go through withdrawals from any opioids they are really sick for the first week. Uncontrolled shaking, sweating, muscle cramps, vomiting, etc. After that first week they start to feel physically better as their body has removed the toxins from it. Then it becomes a fight against the cravings and getting their brain used to finding a new healthy release. It’s easier for adults to get over the addiction in a medical sense because their minds have already functioned for years without the drugs, so it only takes two weeks before they are medically cleared.” Trent started to explain.

“And babies?” Brock asked.

“They have a harder time because their mind has never functioned without the drugs. The heroin would have been in Lexi’s system while she was in utero. Her mind was born addicted and now it has to rewire itself to function without the heroin. It’s why it can take up to six months for infants to be done going through withdrawals. Their mind has to try and function normally now for the first time since it was developed. She’s crying because she is over stimulated. Everything is sending signals to her mind and it makes it overwhelming. The only way she can communicate that is by crying. Having rooms darker, whispering, no sudden movements like bouncing all helps to cut down the stimulation being thrown at her mind. Soft soothing music helps to soothe her and can provide comfort. There is also herbal drops like ginger that can help with withdrawals as well.” Trent finished, as Lexi finally stopped crying.

“It worked. So that’s what you look like when you’re not crying.” Clay said, warmly.

“She’s beautiful. Are her eyes different?” Jason asked, as he looked at her.

“Ya, one blue and the other one is half blue, half brown. Doc said she must have picked it up from her mother.” Clay answered.

“It’s a rare gene, it would have to come from her mother. If it was from Ash you would have it. You need more sleep. You’re at risk of sleep deprivation that will land you in the hospital.” Trent said, now focusing his attention on Clay’s health.

“I’ll sleep once I get her back down to bed.” Clay said, as Brock started to look around. 

“No, you’re gonna sleep now. We got her.” Jason said.

“What, no. I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Clay started and Jason could tell he was uneasy with leaving her alone with people she didn’t know. He could understand that very well.

“Sunshine, I’ve raised two kids, Ray has two kids. One of which is a baby. We got the best field medic in the Navy too. Brock has been taking care of small sick puppies for two decades and Sonny will be well supervised.” Jason started.

“Hey.” Sonny objected, causing the guys to all smirk.

“She is perfectly safe with us. You need serious sleep, not just a light sleep for two hours. You need a deep sleep to recharge and reset your brain before you end up in a coma. She’s family, we got her.” Jason said, gently.

“Jase is right man, we’ll take good care of her.” Ray promised.

“Can you go get my kit?” Trent whispered to Brock, who gave a nod.

They could all tell that Clay was thinking about it. He knew he needed sleep, but the idea of leaving Lexi with people she didn’t know, didn't sit too well with him. At the same time though, he knew Ray and Jason both had children, they were good with kids. And Lexi was no longer screaming bloody murder and seemed content to be in Jason’s arms for the moment. 

“She needs her medicine at seven. It’s the yellow one in the fridge, five milligrams. She has to eat first though or she’ll get sick.” Clay said to Trent.

“Got it.” Trent said with a nod.

Clay got up and went and kissed Lexi on her head before he headed off into his bedroom, closing the door behind him. The guys all looked at each other for a moment, not saying anything. Sonny was the one to finally break the silence.

“Holy shit.” He whispered.

“He’s raising a sick baby while working two full-time jobs, no wonder he’s exhausted.” Ray commented.

“He’s gonna end up in the hospital if he keeps going like this.” Trent said, as he moved over to the kitchen.

“We know now, we’ll keep a better eye on him. Now that we know what is going on we can help him.” Jason said.

He had already made up his mind on what he was going to do the second he saw Clay coming out with Lexi. This was the reason for the medical bills, for him having to work two jobs. At twenty-four years old he should be building a career and going out and having fun on his downtime. Instead, he was taking on this huge responsibility of not only an infant, but a sick one at that. It was noble and not something most men would do. Brock walked back in with Trent’s bag and placed it down on the coffee table.

“He doesn’t have much.” Brock said.

“He can’t afford it.” Trent said, as he held up two medicine bottles from the fridge. “This one is for her withdrawals, she’ll need it twice a day for six months. It’s fifteen hundred a month.” Trent said, holding up the pink liquid bottle. 

“Holy shit.” Sonny commented.

“That’s nothing. This one is her anti-rejection medication. She needs it twice a day for the rest of her life. It’s twenty-five hundred a month.” Trent said, holding up the yellow liquid one.

“Twenty-five hundred?” Ray asked, shocked.

“Wouldn’t they be covered?” Jason asked.

“Normally, yes, but there’s no insurance code on these bottles. Which means the kid is paying out of pocket, which means she’s not on his insurance.” Trent pointed out.

“The only reason for that would have to be that Clay doesn’t have legal custody of Lexi.” Jason said.

“Well, he didn’t kidnap her. That would have been all over the news, Ash would have made sure of it.” Ray said.

“Which means the bastard hasn’t signed custody over for one reason or another.” Sonny commented.

“I doubt it’s for any noble reason. Probably looking to make things harder on him.” Ray said.

“He’s got no food in this kitchen. Cupboards only have dishes, coffee and one can of powdered formula. The fridge, milk, one container with leftovers in it with Adam’s writing, and medicine, that’s it. He’s got no food.” Trent said, as he put the medicine back into the fridge.

“He’s paying four grand a month in medication, kid can’t afford food.” Sonny commented.

“He has no bed either.” Brock said.

“What?” Jason asked.

“I saw his room. There’s nothing in it but a military bedroll.” Brock answered.

“What’s Lexi got?” Ray said, as he headed down the hallway to see Lexi’s room was next to Clay’s. After he looked in it he headed back to the guys. “She’s got clothes sitting in a basket folded, only five outfits. She doesn’t even have a crib, just a traveling playpen to sleep in with a crib mattress. That’s all she has, she doesn’t even have stuffed animals or extra blankets, no toys.” Ray said sadly.

“He can’t afford it. He’s killing himself just to pay for her medications, plus the minimum on her medical bills. He can’t miss a payment or he could be denied at the hospital if she gets sick outside of an emergency. With a heart transplant she would have to see her cardiologist and get tests done once a month to make sure it is working properly. It’s very expensive.” Trent said.

“Have to assume the kid is feeling kinda like a failure not being able to provide properly for her.” Sonny said.

“It’s not his fault. The very last thing he is is a failure.” Jason said, with strength to his voice.

“I’m not saying he is. Takes a real man to step up and do what he’s doing. I’m just saying he probably feels like one.” Sonny said in his defense. 

“Call the troops?” Brock asked.

“Call everyone. I don’t care if he wants help or not, I am not going to sit around and let a brother live like this. Brock, go see if Derek is home. Everyone else, start making calls.” Jason said.

Brock headed over to Derek’s place, as Ray pulled out his phone to call Naima. Trent went over to Jason as he spoke. “I want to just look her over real quick.”

Jason went and sat down on the couch and held Lexi while Trent got his things out to look her over. He was sure she was fine, but he just wanted to double check for himself. It would also help to know a baseline so he could properly monitor her. Just as Trent was listening to her heart Brock came back in with Derek.

“Finally found out eh? I’m surprised he left her with you.” Derek said.

“I sent him to bed. He was a little apprehensive, but he did finally go.” Jason said, softly.

“Why are we whispering?” Derek asked softly as well.

“Loud noises and bright lights will make her withdrawal symptoms worse.” Trent supplied.

“Fair enough. He tell you about her?” Derek asked.

“He told us that she was Ash’s and about her mother, the heart transplant. Do you know why she isn’t on his insurance?” Jason asked.

“Ash won’t sign over custody. Clay won’t tell us why, but Adam and me thinks he wants money for her. We think he’s paying him a monthly amount and once he reaches whatever the magic number is, then he’ll get custody.” Derek said, disgusted by it.

“What makes you think that?” Ray asked, not impressed as he listened to Niama on the other end of the phone.

“Adam talked to me a bit about what happened at the hospital when Ash showed up. Clay didn't say much, but he did let something slip. Ash was going to sell her for half a million to some missionary in Africa. Apparently, it was the same one he sold Clay to.” 

“He sold him?” Sonny asked, disgusted.

“Hang on baby.” Ray said to his wife. “What do you mean he sold him?” 

“Clay didn’t say anything more about it. He was exhausted, Adam didn’t think he even realised the slip. Adam wanted to ask more, but he said there was this raw pain in his eyes, he didn’t want to push. Whatever happened, he agreed to whatever Ash wanted just to protect Lexi.” 

Ray went back to talking to Niama and informed her of what they knew so far. Needless to say she was pissed off by the end of it. 

“Davis is coming with Mandy and Blackburn to see what we need.” Sonny said.

“What do you need?” Derek asked.

“He’s got nothing in this place. No furniture, no food, we’re not letting that go on for any longer. He’s getting a proper bed and this little one needs her own bed.” Jason said.

“He’s not going to like it. We’ve tried to get him to let us help out. Full Metal found out about her a month ago and offered to bring by some baby stuff, but he doesn’t want charity. He’s not good at accepting help or asking for it.” Derek warned.

“He’s about to find out what the brotherhood is all about. I’m not going to have him living this way, not after everything he’s been through. They both deserve better.” Jason said.

“You know what happened to him.” Derek easily stated.

“I do, but it’s his story to tell.” Jason said he wasn’t going to betray Clay’s trust like that.

“Fair enough. I’ll call Full Metal. His niece just grew out of her crib and his sister has been holding onto it for Clay. She’s also got some baby clothes and other baby items for her too.” Derek said, as he pulled his phone out. 

“Niama and the girls at work can get her diapers and her formula from there.” Ray said, as he ended the call.

“Perfect, Full Metal has a crib, Clay’s already got a crib mattress. So we just need everything else for her. He also needs a bed, a real bed. I also have to grab some stuff from storage for myself.” Jason said.

“Yourself?” Ray asked, confused.

“He’s got a spare bedroom, I’m gonna move in and help him with Lexi. I can also pay half the rent and make sure he has food.”

“I don’t know how well that will go over with Clay. He’s really bad at accepting help.” Derek pointed out.

“I’ll square it away with him. He’ll be fine with it.” Jason wasn’t worried about convincing Clay about it. He knew he would agree eventually.

“Ya, but are you sure you want to live with a sick baby? That’s a lot on you too Jase.” Ray said.

He knew Jason had done the whole baby thing, but that was a long time ago and Lexi was sick. It was different now.

“He needs help and I’m the perfect person to move in here with him. He can’t do this alone. What he is doing is very noble and not something most men twice his age would do. I’m couch surfing, it makes sense for me to move in here to help him.” Jason argued.

“Alright, if you’re sure brother.” Ray agreed.

It wasn’t his place to tell Jason where to live or who to live with. If he wanted to be here helping Clay with Lexi, he wasn’t going to stop him.

“Full Metal is going to pick up the items from his sister. I got my truck so I can help with moving stuff. We should call Adam too, he’ll want to help.” Derek said.

“Oh we’re calling everyone. He’s getting the full brotherhood experience. It’s time he learnt that he has a whole army standing behind him.” Jason said.

“I’ll make some calls.” Derek said with a smile.

They all started to get on their phones and reaching out to everyone, letting them know of the situation, with small details about Lexi. Within the hour everyone was off and moving to do what they needed to do. Trent and Jason stayed behind with Lexi while the guys went to pick up different items that they could get donated and food for the place. Jason went and placed Lexi down in her temporary bed once she had fallen asleep on his chest. He covered her with the thin blanket and then took a moment to truly look at her. She was about the size of a plump newborn, if Jason had to guess she was about ten pounds or so. No where near the weight she should be for a three month old. That didn’t mean Clay was doing anything wrong, it was due to her medications and her withdrawals. Jason was hoping soon she would be done with the withdrawals and able to just be a normal little girl. Jason had to give it to her though, she was really cute. Jason never thought he would be doing the baby thing again. Sure he helped out with RJ, but that was different. Ray and Naima were there with RJ as well. Jason was just offering to hold him while Naima got dressed or showered. It wasn’t the same thing as he would be doing now with her. Him and Clay would need to rotate on and off with nights with her so they could both sleep, especially Clay. He needed proper sleep. He knew Clay had been used to not sleeping much from growing up, but that did not make it ok or healthy. He needed more than just eight hours of sleep a week, especially with their job. 

“You’re going to be just fine little one. You and your daddy.” Jason whispered.

That was going to be something that would be interesting later on. Clay was technically her half-brother, but he was raising her. She would only know him as dad and not a brother. Jason was curious to see how Clay would handle that. If he would correct her or embrace the title that he had earned. Jason made his way back out to join Trent, who was putting his things back in his medical bag. Trent had recorded all of Lexi’s vitals into a new notebook so he could properly keep track of anything that came up. Jason knew Trent was going to be very anal about all of this. Before Jason could say anything the door was opening and Adam walked in with multiple bags in his hands. 

“Hey.” Jason said.

“Hello brother. Trent, your cleaning supplies.” Adam said, as he handed a bag over to Trent.

“Thank-you.” Trent said, as he took it and brought it into the kitchen.

“What’s with the other bags?” Jason asked.

“Vic has been purchasing studded animals and clothing for Lexi since she found out about her. We’ve been waiting until Clay was more comfortable accepting things from people before we gave them to him. But then the Great Jason Hayes makes an appearance and demands change.” Adam said, with a teasing smirk.

“Not demanding, just not ignoring.”

“And you think that is what I’ve been doing?” Adam asked, feeling defensive.

“No, but you won’t push him either. I have no problem pushing him when he needs it. He’ll adjust and adapt to the new normal, he’s very good at adapting.”

Jason didn’t want Adam thinking he wasn’t grateful for what he had been doing for Clay or Lexi. He also knew though that Adam didn’t like to push people outside of training. He would let Clay go at a snail’s pace if that is what he was comfortable with. Jason didn’t have that patience with someone. He wasn’t built to be able to sit back and allow someone to struggle when he could help them.

“I know Eric told you guys that Clay’s my nephew. Clay, he doesn’t talk about his childhood. I know it’s extremely painful for him. But he did say briefly, that you saved him. Thank-you for what you did for him back then.” Adam said sincerely.

“I wish I could have done more. I didn’t know he was American, if I did, I would have brought him back with me. I would have made sure he found his family and if he didn’t have any, I would have raised him. I still get nightmares about finding that boy in that room. It was really bad Adam.” Jason said, with a bit of pain to his voice. 

“You got him out, and he overcame it. He’s a Tier One operator and has made something out of his life. You gave him that chance. I know he’s not over what happened to him, and maybe he never will be, but he is healing and I think being around you and the guys will really help him.”

“I think so too, and he’s got you in his life now.” Jason said warmly.

Adam gave Jason a warm smile. He wished he knew more about what Clay had been through, but he wasn’t going to ask Jason to betray Clay’s trust by telling him. He would have to wait until Clay was ready to release that information to him. Jason turned around to see Trent had all of the cleaning supplies out on the counter.

“What are we doing?” Jason asked.

“Lexi’s anti-rejection medication makes her immune system compromised. Adam, do you know the last time this place had a deep clean?” Trent asked.

“Before she came home Clay spent hours cleaning the whole apartment.”

“We need to do another one and not just the apartment, but the door, hallway and elevator. Anything Clay touches or anyone else that is around Lexi touches that could be transferred over to her. It’ll need to be kept up too until her body has had the chance to start building an immune system.” Trent explained.

“Let’s get started then.” Jason said, as he went over to join Trent.

The three of them got to work on scrubbing the whole place clean.

XXX

It was just after nine the next morning when Clay started to wake up. The first thing he noticed was how stiff and sore he was. It was why he didn't tend to sleep on his bedroll very often. He normally just crashed on his couch, it wasn’t too comfortable but it was more comfortable then the floor. Clay rolled onto his back and rubbed his eyes before opening them. The first thing he noticed was the sunlight shining through the room. Clay couldn’t believe it was morning, that he had slept all night. Clay’s mind instantly went to Lexi, he hadn’t heard her all night and there was no telling what was going on with her. Clay got up and headed out of his room and saw Jason sitting in his living room with Lexi drinking a bottle. 

“Morning Sleeping Beauty.” Jason said, with a smirk.

Jason was actually very happy that Clay had slept so long, he clearly needed it. He was already looking better and he was no longer shaky.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” Clay said, as he took in Lexi, she seemed perfectly content in Jason’s arms.

“Because you needed the sleep, desperately. She’s good. Trent gave her some ginger in her formula. It helped to soothe her withdrawals last night, she slept for six hours before waking up. Trent said it wasn’t good for her to be skipping a meal often, but she needed the solid sleep to help give her mind a chance to recharge.”

“Ok, and the extra furniture and tv in my place?” Clay asked, as he took the room in.

There was a love seat in his living room, along with a newer looking coffee table and a tv now. There was also a mattress, bedframe and a dresser stored into one corner of the room. 

“Oh the TV is one of mine that I got out of storage. Your DVD collection sucks by the way. It’s all documentaries and movies in another language. I really gotta get you watching some normal movies.” Jason said, as he started to burp Lexi.

“Why is it here, or this other stuff?” Clay asked, ignoring Jason’s comments about his movie collection.

“The brotherhood,” Jason simply answered.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Jason gave Clay a warm smile. “The brotherhood is made up of all of the Tier One teams and their family. We’re all there for each other through good and bad times. When one needs help, we all jump in to help. You needed help. You needed a bed and not sleeping on the floor. You needed actual food and not whatever you can pick up at the food bank. Lexi needed a proper bed. Now that you are up we can set up your room properly once Lexi goes down.”

“I don’t need any charity. Lexi and me and doing just fine. I make it work.” Clay said, defensive about all of this. Jason stood up with Lexi and went over to Clay.

“You are doing really well. What you are doing for her is amazing Clay. It’s not charity, it’s not us telling you that you suck at providing for her. It’s your family reaching out and being there to help you. I know after what you went through growing up makes it hard for you to accept help from people. I get that. But this isn’t a handout. This is your family finding items to donate that are no longer being used so you can use them.”

Clay reached out for Lexi, who Jason easily handed over to him. Clay held Lexi against his chest and ran his hand up and down her back as he spoke.

“They used to make us do horrible things whenever we asked for something. If we wanted to be able to eat, to get water or if we needed medical attention, we always had to pay a price for it. Being given things makes me really uncomfortable.” Clay softly, admitted.

Jason went and placed his hand on the side of Clay’s neck as he spoke. “I know, but that uncomfortable feeling can only go away as you get used to people being there to help you. You’re not an army of one anymore. You got a whole army standing behind you, the both of you, and we’re always going to be there for you.”

Clay gave Jason a small warm smile. He didn’t know what it was about Jason, but he made him feel safe, he always had. Clay can’t explain it, but from the moment he saw him, he felt safe when Jason was around. Like no one could hurt him as long as Jason was there. For the first time in his life Clay had been able to sleep deeply when he was fourteen in the hospital, all because Jason had refused to leave his side. He had talked about his daughter and his newborn son. He told Clay about some funny stories from his military days and even moments from growing up. Clay had been able to fall asleep listening to Jason’s soothing voice and when he woke up, Jason was still there sitting beside his bed.

Clay had dreamt of Jason taking him back to the States with him. Letting him be a part of his family. He often wondered what it would be like to play catch in their backyard. To share Christmas with them. He never had a Christmas in his life, even now he’s never done it. He would dream about putting up a Christmas tree and decorating the house. He would dream about making Christmas cookies and leaving them out for Santa. To wake up Christmas morning to see presents and cooking Christmas dinner. It was an experience that Clay never had growing up and still to this day has never done. Clay had made up this whole life where he got to be safe and a part of a family. 

Clay cleared his voice to bury the emotions building up in it. “Thank-you for spending the night taking care of her. I’m sure you have a lot of things you need to take care of at home.”

“Ya that is something we’re gonna need to talk about.” Jason said, as he moved his hand back.

“What?” Clay asked, confused.

“Me and Alana split up roughly eight months ago. Since then I’ve been sleeping on Ray’s couch. You have a spare room, so now we’re roommates.” Jason simply said.

“Wait what?” Clay asked, confused.

“I moved in. Got my stuff in it and everything. Before you get anxious or upset by it, this works out good for the both of us. I had to find a place to live already, but I don’t do alone very well. This lets me live with someone and it gives you the help you need. I can be there to help you with Lexi at night, we can rotate nights so you get some proper sleep. I will also be paying half of the rent.”

Clay opened his mouth to argue, but Jason spoke again to stop him. “That is not up for debate. Half of the rent here is the same I would be paying for a one bedroom somewhere. It’s different, but you will get used to it and you’ll even like it eventually. Just think of it this way, it gives you an extra fifteen hundred a month that you can use for her medical bills or things she needs. Christmas is next month too, she’s young but it’ll be her first Christmas. You can get her some presents without trying to figure out how to afford it and pay for her medication. It helps you and it helps me.”

Clay really didn’t like the idea of Jason paying half of the rent. At the same time though he could tell that Jason wasn’t going to take no for an answer. It would also be a huge help to Clay on the financial side. That extra fifteen hundred could really come in handy and he could get a couple of things for Christmas for Lexi. It wouldn’t be much but she could have a simple Christmas. Clay also wanted to pay Jason back for everything he had done for him. If Jason wasn’t good at living alone, then the least Clay could do was offer him a place to live.

“Are you sure? She’s sick, she cries a lot right now, that can get really annoying and it makes it hard to sleep.” Clay started, but Jason cut him off.

“All babies cry and I don’t find it annoying. She’s crying because she has been dealt a shitty hand in parent poker. I don’t care if she cries, I have no problem picking her up. She is family Sunshine, it is just that simple.”

Clay let out a slow breath before he spoke. “Ok. But know that it’s going to take some time for me to get used to it. Kinda used to living alone.”

“I know and I have no problem with giving you all the adjustment time that you need. I think you’ll like having someone around though. It can be good after a hard mission or just someone to hang out with to relax. Though, we are really going to need to work on your movie collection. I gotta introduce you to some of my movies, like Die Hard.” Jason said with a warm smile.

“What’s Die Hard?” Clay asked, confused.

“It’s an action movie, one of the best Christmas movies of all time. Has Bruce Willis in it.”

“Who’s Bruce Willis?”

“Oh you poor child.” Jason said, sadly, causing Clay to give a slight chuckle to that. “He’s one of the best action stars, he’s an actor, very famous.” Jason explained.

“Ya, I don’t really follow pop culture. I tend to read old english literature or technical books. Or fictional books that are in another language, but they tend to be older too. I don’t watch anything on TV except for the news, discovery and history channel.”

“And football.” Jason stated.

“You mean soccer?” Clay asked.

“Whoa, ok let me stop you right there. Soccer is soccer, football is football. I’m gonna excuse that on account you grew up in Africa. Football in America will always be football.” Jason said, seriously.

“Good to know. And no I don’t watch football or any sport for that matter.”

“Oh you have so much to learn. Me and the guys will get you there.” Jason said warmly.

“Ok, well I’m going to put her down and then I have a shit load of work to do.” Clay said, as he turned to head down the hallway.

“I’ll get some breakfast going.” Jason said.

Clay went into Lexi’s room and he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. There was not only a white long dresser, but there was also a beautiful white crib. There was pink bedding and a mobile. There were also stuffed animals on the dresser, boxes of diapers and wipes sitting in a corner. The walls had little canvas photos on them to bring some color to the room. There was also a white baby swing, a pink area rug that matched the bedding. It was a proper nursery and it brought a warmth to his heart. Clay went and gently placed Lexi down into her bed and covered her with the blanket. He then turned the music on the mobile on to provide her with some soothing music as she slept. 

Clay headed back out into the living room to see that Jason had coffee going already and was starting to cook bacon and breakfast sausages.

“Where did the food come from?” Clay asked.

“Charlie team covered food. We also have a bunch of cleaning supplies that Trent got Adam to pick up. Trent said with Lexi’s anti-rejection meds that we should be doing a deep clean once a week and a light clean every day. Especially on things that a bunch of people touch, like the front door, the fridge handles, things like that. The deep clean involves doing the front door downstairs, the elevator and the hallway, plus everything in this place.”

“Wow, that’s a lot more than I’ve been doing. I’ve tried to keep things clean, but I haven’t really done a full overall clean. I figured as long as I wasn’t sick and I washed my hands often she would be ok.”

“It’s an added precaution that Trent suggests we take. I’ve learned over the years with Trent he knows what he’s talking about and it’s best to follow his advice. He also got us both vitamin c vitamins to help with our own immune system. As well as vitamin c drops for her formula to help boost Lexi’s. He said just put two drops a day into her formula, she won’t notice the taste and it’ll help her immune system.”

“Ok, that would have been nice to know from one of her docs. Plus how to help soothe her withdrawals. How did she sleep last night? I didn’t even hear her.”

“She slept six hours straight.”

“What? She never sleeps that long, she sleeps two hours at most normally. This is why I think she hates me.” Clay said, shocked.

Jason looked right at Clay and spoke. “She does not hate you. She loves you. She hates that she feels like crap and that will end soon, then you can truly get to embrace her being an infant. You’ll get to see her smile and hear her laugh. Trust me the sound of your child’s laughter is the best sound you will ever hear, especially as a baby. And she slept that long because Trent gave her a couple drops of ginger to help with her withdrawals. He said we can give it to her a few times a day, but if we are going to let her sleep longer at night, which she needs to give her mind a break, we have to make sure she is getting enough food during the day.”

“It seems like no matter how much I feed her, she doesn’t gain much weight right now. She’s only gained eight pounds since she was born.”

“Ray called Naima and the hospital has a bunch of formula on hand, most of the time they have too much and it goes bad. Ray was able to pick up three months worth of stock for you. It’s the same brand she has been on, but Naima gave you a different version that the same brand has. It’s designed to help premature babies gain weight. She said with her being on it, she’ll gain roughly five pounds a month. It’s not something she can be on long-term but she can be on it for a few months until she gets up to an average weight.”

“I didn’t even know they made that version. That’s good, she needs to gain weight. I really appreciate everything you and everyone did for her and me. Her room looks great. I never thought she would get to have a real bed, a real room. I tried, I know what I could do for her wasn’t what she deserved, but I tried.” Clay said with remorse to his voice.

“You did not fail her Sunshine. You are spending all of your money on rent and medications that she needs to stay alive every month. You gave her the best that you could with what you had. You gave her the best thing you could ever give to a child, unconditional love. You are a great dad Sunshine.”

Jason went back to making breakfast and after a good fifteen minutes Clay spoke again in an uncertain voice.

“Is that what I am?”

Jason poured them each a cup of coffee and added the proper sugar and milk to them. He handed Clay his as he spoke.

“Ya, that’s what you are to her. It’s up to you how you want to handle the technical labels, but you are the only dad she knows. You’re the only dad she is ever going to know. And I can tell by how you look at her that the long you have for her is a lot stronger than that of a brother. It’s ok to claim the title of dad Sunshine, you’ve more than earned it.” Jason said warmly before he went back to finishing breakfast.

Clay wasn’t sure how he felt about the whole dad label right now. He figured he didn’t really need to put a label on his relationship with Lexi. For now he could just enjoy being with her and raising her. One thing he did know, his life was going to be different with Jason living with him and for once in his life, he wasn’t worried about the change. He was actually looking forward to it.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are looking to read a story with a romance between Jason and Clay, feel free to check out Becoming Zulu on my AO3 account!


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